so what?

2006-11-19T20:34:00.000+01:00

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

'Cause I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Let's start over

Boxcar Racer "I feel so"...

2006-11-03T22:44:00.000+01:00

If i gave you any reason to follow me, you can still find me at Jmod.net.

And that's it for the glorious so what. Gate down, door closed.

2006-10-24T16:44:00.000+02:00

i still get 4-5 hits a day, and i want to believe that at least a couple of hits a week are from old readers, waiting for me to get a move and start bloggin all over again.
aaaaand.... i am. in a while.
for now you can have a sneak at http://jmod.net/test... just don't fool around too much, nothing works except for the front page for now.

life's still good, things still happen and so on and so on

2006-07-23T12:47:00.000+02:00

i think i'm going in some kind of summer vacation...
be back in fall 2006 -- with a surprise ;)

2006-07-14T20:58:00.000+02:00

it's great that mum's cooking for me because even though i cook just as well she saves me tons of time that i can waste in other more ineffective ways.

and after *that* many years i'm still so surprised of how dad is able to find tasks and more tasks every hour of every day and what an incredibly long amount of unnecessary seconds it takes to him to give it to me.

home sweet home...

2006-07-13T22:02:00.000+02:00

i convinced gf to spend my last 4 days in poland living with me, we had so much sex it was the first time in my life i had to say no to a girl.

actually it was more like just give me 5 minutes ok? but then one thing led to another and it was already two in the afternoon and so and so

but fuck it was great. sliding my hand on her skin, holding her body while she catches her breath after an orgasm, looking to her face in the darkness of the cinema cause the movie was so boring and she was so much better... i'm gonna miss gf

then the last day i went out in the afternoon alone to meet an old friend, and when i got back in my room gf was gone, of course. just a note telling me she had enver wanted me to see her crying. i knew and probably i secretly whised not to find her again in the room...

so today i was walking down the streets of this old city of mine and i felt like an alien mostly because i couldn't believe people are so stupid.

2006-07-11T18:24:00.000+02:00

i feel so happy
i feel so tired
i feel a delusion
but i knew it
and i know it's better like this
i feel a little homesick
i feel connected to this place
i feel like rolling stone, from time to time
and this is one of those times
and i feel lonely
i feel surrounded by interesting people
and a few great friends
i feel great compared to other departures
i feel that i don't know if i want it to be over now or rather in 6 hours
and i hate packing
shit
i feel so...
i feel so unsure
but so certain at the same time
i feel moody
i don't feel like drinking
i feel like running
but i feel so lazy
i feel like i have no control over my life in this very moment
because this is an old choice's consequence
i knew it and i'm good with it
yet not so good as i thought.

meh.

2006-07-05T14:39:00.000+02:00

i can't write, i'm in a limbo.

i'll be back.

2006-06-29T15:43:00.000+02:00

to all those bloggers who state in the home page I'M ALWAYS RIGHT AND YOU ARE ALWAY WRONG: go fuck yourself.

stop acting like a baby and grow up, you are not what you say you are but what you deserve to be. that is, start writing something smart FIRST, and THEN i will think about it and see if you have any chance.

last night at last opened Copacabana, this club on the beach, and everybody was so excited for it like it was the event of the year and it really is here because it's such a summer thing.

even though it's never really sumer here.

but anyway there's tons of clubs like that in italy so it was nothing special for us.

and my friend and i went in and without asking for anything they gave us the pass for the vip lounge, and the best part is that they denied is to so many hot girls. how lame...

2006-06-28T11:54:00.000+02:00

Bag 1 Status TRACING CONTINUES. PLEASE CHECK BACK LATER

how many ways do you know to say that you have no fucking idea whatsoever where my bag is? oh but i totally understand you, it's so damn hard to get the right bag on the right plane once, let alone twice. and in a row!

shitfuck

i had some summer clothes that i totally don't need because it's raining like hell, a box of condoms that i don't need because gf is busy with exams, a bottle of chianti red 2004 that i don't need because gf is busy with exams and anyway i still have the old bottle to finish, a brand new 50ml acqua di giò that i don't need because my friend has it anyway, two books of acoustics for architecture that I FUCKING NEED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE AN EXAM IN TWO DAYS AND I HAVE NOTHING TO STUDY ON!!!

life goes on, i will paint.

2006-06-27T02:13:00.000+02:00

an ugly mix of stress anger tiredness and a little happiness for italy's ridiculous victory. and a simbolic headache for having spent 2 days sorrounded by people who spoke my own mother language.

milan is one big fucking stupid fat live blog full of people who think out loud like we give a fuck that they have been waiting 7 minutes at the counter or that last year their son's name was mispelled. WTF? buddy, i'm here to give you the greatest news that you have the right to shut up. your buzzing mumbling makes me feel bad about you and i feel very much like starting a fight.

2006-06-23T01:58:00.000+02:00

girlfriend told me that even though she doesn't know me -well just very very little- she has now complete trust in me. this came after i told her that she drinking beer with her girlfriends at home made me want to have a glass of wine and kiss her.

but most of all after a month and a half we spent together.

i must have done something to her because she has been with me even though she didn't know if she could trust me or not for such a long time that if it was me i would have looked for somebody else after the first week.

2006-06-22T22:39:00.000+02:00

this blog is getting fucking boring.

2006-06-22T18:59:00.000+02:00

ok i got it. if i don't watch the game italy do good.

yes, do and not does... did you know that countries' names (at least when referring to a team) are treated as plural? like,

today italy play against czech republic, they'll certainly win.

i read it on BBC.co.uk, and i'll tell you it was quite a surprise... i mean, english is reknown to be a straight language, very practical, that doesn't like abstract terms, and then you treat the name of a country (clearly singular) as a plural entity because it refers to a team. teambeing a singular term as well, but describing a group of people.

two (2) passages to get from singular to plural. (mario would say) what's this for a language?

2006-06-20T15:42:00.000+02:00

no idea of what to write, but i promised myself i have to write something smart every day.

got home from gf's place, got a haircut by the best hairdresser in town. he's from nigeria, got in poland four years ago, learnt polish here -and i can assure you it's not an easy task at all- and he does my hair just like i want it. and i didn't even have to tell him much the first time i went there. we talked a little about world championship of course, and basically he's happy of ghana, which i easily understand, and he thinks italy is playing a very good soccer, which i find quite unbelievable.

then the song on the radio finished and the commercial started and it was ITALIAN!

i asked him for what obscure reason an italian radio was playing in poland, and he pointed at the satellite tv and showed me that it was set on Gay.TV. i think it was cool.

2006-06-19T15:41:00.000+02:00

there is something about sex that sometimes it just doesn't work. mainly when you know you will have sex long before the encounter and you're all tensed up and make sure your room is perfect and then you fuck it over.

you feel stressed and that's the best way ever to get bad sex. ever.

so tonight i'm trying not to have sex and maybe it will work the other way around. like it will be my worst no-sex ever...

and if you now something about my [a href=have_a_look_at_the_previous_post]girl[/a] i'm gonna have to tell her that i want to have a passionate night of animal sex so that she will decide not to give me anything...

also it's warm and sunny again and of course i have to study today and i can't go to the beach. i'm gonna have a talk with the weather man because he should fix his sun/rain schedule based on my exams' schedule.

2006-06-18T21:55:00.000+02:00

sometimes you realize you have the right friends who like the wrong things. not that they are wrong by themselves, but they don't suit your needs at all so that you are left with two choices and not one more: "the lonely heart in the uber-cool alternative artist place", or "the greatest fun of all times with the funnierest people ever in a shithole".

and i can say i know every shithole around here like my own pockets.

other times you realize that you know everything about women. at least about my girl. it's as simple as that: if i say "let's do it" she says "i don't feel like" and if i say "i'm busy i'm tired i don't want to" she says "ok i'll dry my hair and be at your place".

and now i realize that the above paragraph can be easily misunderstood: we are not talking about sex, we are talking about every SINGLE thing.

holy moly italy was a shame against US, but somebody gotta explain to them 'mericans the difference between soccer and football.

2006-06-18T19:22:00.000+02:00

2006-06-14T01:29:00.000+02:00

if you can hear this then you are not that old after all...

2006-06-13T02:06:00.000+02:00

i opened a coconut yesterday, is that fucking hard! all i had was a swiss army knife and the internet and of course i found the easy and effortless way of opening it just seconds after i succeded. it took me an hour forty minutes. six thousands seconds.

and of course it was freaking old and... -ok, not so fresh- so i decided to give it to my friends. they liked it.

so right now i'm doing some rendering for my project. not that it should interest you at all, but just to say that as soon as i finishe (i.e. no less then 48 hours) i'll upload pictures of the challenge...

2006-06-11T16:14:00.000+02:00

friend: fuck guys i haven't had sex for three weeks...
me: oh come on you saw your girlfriend just two days ago!
friend: ya but that doesn't count. that's lovemaking.

also, the orgasm is the time when human ego performs at it's most. no other moment in a man's or woman's life will ever be more selfish.

2006-06-11T10:45:00.000+02:00

eight clubs in six hours last night. it fuckin sucks.

2006-06-10T16:24:00.000+02:00

The Perfect Guide On How To Lose Weight And Give A Descent Shape To Your Beer Belly (And Occasionally Save Some Money) - IDIOT PROOF!!

Step 1: The phone call (difficulty: easy) - Call the water company and tell them you don't want hot water to be delivered to your house anymore

Step 2: Meditation (difficulty: easy) - Step in your shower (do NOT turn the water on yet), look at the faucet, think about what's gonna come out of it and how it's gonna feel

Step 3: The second thought (difficulty: extremely easy) - Step out of the shower in desperation once you start thinking of how cold the water is gonna be

Step 4: Action (difficulty: medium) - You need a good reason now to shower, right? So down on the floor and start exercising until you are so hot and sweaty that nothing could stop you from getting under a flow of water, and so exhausted that you don't have physical sensation anymore.

Step 5: The final encounter (difficulty: medium to difficult, extremely difficult in certain cases) - Shut down your brain: you are a hot stinky animal, you walk directly into the shower and turn the water on so that it hits you immediately and you don't have time for a second thought.

Repeat once a day for at least twenty (20) days.
Works better in winter.

2006-06-10T03:34:00.000+02:00

So wanna here 'bout art?

Well there is something about art, and something about looking at art, and something about money. Money should never ever... Ok well money shouldn't have even existed in the first place, but given that as of right now the world would quite simply stop functioning without money, money should keep its hand off art. In fact the big enemy is not money, but popularity. And provocation. Ok guys, we got the message, artist's crap is more valuable then gold, but that's been (notice how I used the present perfect, and not the past simple) half a century ago.

Last year a 10 meters high pussy hair was proudly displayed on the streets of Milan. WTF? The excuse by the artist's side was that it was a provocation to society. Are you making fun of us? It's not a bad taste problem, we are open enough to look at a vagina (pubes, actually) without being shocked. It's a you-are-dumb problem, and with you whoever accepted to display your work.

An exerpt from gruppogarage's manifesto:

10. Eroticism (understood in the classic meaning of the term) is the artistic representation of the human capacity to invest in his affective aspect

11. Erotic art has always been part of human creative production, representing in artistic form the possibility of the species to continue to exist

Eroticism is the highest level a human being is able to reach. High poetry is eroticism. Impressive architecture is eroticism. The finest photography is eroticism. Eroticism is art, and art is eroticism in all of its aspects.

Given that, for how art has developed in this last century, anything is potentially capable of being art, what makes a work of art a good work of art? It's not the esthetic. esthetic has nothing to do with art. It's not how pretty it is or how nice the colours are. It's about transmitting feelings and emotions. It doesn't matter if you like it or not, but how much it tells you.

Ja did you see that site?

izabelka yees

Ja and?

Ja what do you think?

izabelka I'm not sure...there is something weird and... unnatural in those pictures.... in most of them women look like his slaves...

izabelka but i have no idea about photography

And that's the point. It doesn't have to be a good feeling, nor you should be an expert to judge. The simple fact that some still images can communicate such a complex sensation says it all. You can actually be sure that a work is a great piece of art only when you hate it. The more you hate it the more the artist has stroke.

I would like to end this post talking about the condition of the artist to produce art, but since it's late and I've already done it I will desist.

2006-06-09T22:54:00.000+02:00

no'n' t'say...
fuckin dull day it was but blog of mine needed attention so that's the post for today.

enjoy.

2006-06-06T21:00:00.000+02:00

i know you are reading my blog. so COMMENT!!!

2006-06-06T02:47:00.000+02:00

The Church is not an enemy of sex

Teenagers and youngsters, that feel inside the strong call of love, must be freed by the prejudice that Christianity, with its norms and prohibitions, puts obstacles into the path to the joy of love. The love between man and woman can be utterly achieved only in the wedding.

These are the words of a man that has clearly never had sex in his whole life. How can you talk about love from your position? You don't have the sligtest idea of what lovemaking feels like.
He also said:

The Ten Commandments are not a series of no's. They are instead a big "Yes" to love and life.

Yeah right, like they don't all say "don't do it" right?

That guy is the pope by the way.

2006-06-06T02:05:00.000+02:00

do you think the devil would ever make its appearance to this world on such a date? classic...
it's not an elementary school boy, it's smart. smarter then most of you. it also enjoys cinicism and sarcasm (aka fun and irony). it would never ever come when everybody is expecting it. where's the fun of it? surprise is the essence of life...

beware

2006-06-05T14:53:00.000+02:00

2006-06-05T14:18:00.000+02:00

survival camp is for pussy. it's never true survival at all, you have trained people to watch you over, plenty of tools for any need, showers and other facilities just meters away... and anyway even if you don't shower for a week or so you are living among other non-showering people and the fact that you stink and are dirty is likely to pass unnoticed.
now do this instead, live for a month with only icy-cold water, during exam session, in a city, going to parties and to lessons, staying with other fortunate hot-water-furnished people. come on, do it! now how is that for survival? it's nice a warm relaxing shower after 4 days in the woods, isn't it? and how about a nice cold shower after a sudden thunderstorm got you all wet and cold?

2006-06-04T13:57:00.000+02:00

to be an artist you must experience pain and lonliness

that's right. the point is, whenever you feel good, your energiesy are directed outwardly. your spirit recognizes good influences in external happenings and starts an exchange with the exterior world, so that it becomes impossible to direct and concentrate your creativity to a product of art. and if you have company, it's even worse. you are sacrifizing yourself, and giving and sharing your spirit with others. when you give (parto of) yourself away, once again you don't have enough energy left to create.

on the opposite, when you feel pain you tend to turn more and more into yourself, you accumulate energy inside, and then you have to find a way to expose it. it can be a 70-minute talk with your best friend, it can be a cry, it can be a work of art. but you must be alone to direct all of this energy where you aim to, and not to share it with the exterior.

this was the thought of a girl i had the fortune to meet, i do believe she got the point.

2006-06-03T12:33:00.000+02:00

club hopping last night and what the hell we had to run away from some girls. like, running. down the street. ok that was pretty mean but sometimes it's too much even for us.
clem and marin and i were in sopot (let's say it's the club district) and it was like "omg the italians are in town" where italian means super-cool guys from this super-cool country came to visit us!!

we got interwied from TVP 1 aka the first channel television in poland so we'll disturb the houses of the entire poland with our stupid comments on sopot in english and italian for the whole month of june and we will be understood by probably very few people but we'll be famous.
and i met the gf of an italian guy in london and she gave me a couple of tips on how to get in spatif. spatif is *the* artist club in sopot, and obviously they want to keep it like that and they deny the entrance to so many people, and obviously it has been my dream ever since i heard of it. so this week the attack to spatif is in plan.

then we went to this other club and they let us in without any problem and there were this two hot girls right behind us and they stopped them "sorry, you need membership card to enter". bullshit of course. i've seen so many times guys get stopped because of bad clothing mainly but i felt sorry for them but actually great because it's the first time they prefer guys to girls in a club.

back to that gf of that other italian, she's a creative and sensible mind like i've found only one so far here in poland. and maybe three or four in my whole life. yes i think it's time to start again, there MUST be some good out there, it's just a little hard to find it, but probably it's just about going to the right places. spatif will be the start.

2006-06-01T13:14:00.000+02:00

i tried, but i didn't get any luck. well i did get away from the erasmus circle, a blood-sucking group of people that found fun in the simple act of being the largest possible group and of getting drunk, with the fine excuse of finding this "cultural exchange" interesting.

so there i was with a couple of friends going out and getting to know polish people. which meant, though, try hard to get a girl in your bed. and what's the point in it? you give yourself up to get the girl's attention, you speak only with pick-up lines, you control your reactions and your words not on how you feel, but with the ultimate goal of doing her.

now, flirting is fun and entertaining, no doubt, but you can't live of it. where's the good old company of friends, that you can sit in a room all night talking and drinking good red wine and listening to some good healthy rock? where did that interesting people go?

once again, it's not fun anymore. except this time i have one month. let's start with a couple of phone calls...

2006-05-30T02:20:00.000+02:00

And you open the door and you step inside.
We are inside of our heart.
That's right, your pain, the pain itself, is a white bulb of healing light.

I don't think so.
This is your life. Doesn't get any better than this.
This is your life. And it's ending one minute at a time.

2006-05-29T14:04:00.000+02:00

idiots often make big money, but they are more likely to be considered artists.

2006-05-29T13:44:00.000+02:00

I hope you are thinking about me:)?

girlfriend is great, have i said it already?

but this makes me think that sometimes you need to tell lies in order to make people believe a truth. i don't know if this concept is understandable...

i mean, i could easily reply something like "of course i've been thinking of you all day!" and it's the truth but it's such a classic-o that it can hardly be believed. then you gotta make up some story about the day and put it in a kind-a dressed-up/colorized way so that it can actually be believed. but you are lying (partly)...

sometimes i think too much.

2006-05-29T02:28:00.000+02:00

i can't remember the last time i felt so good.

wow. did i really say that?
and i even meant it!

my stomach hurts. girl you can't do this. you can't get a boy so excited and for such a long period and then negate him the ultimate act...

sensuality.

2006-05-28T18:14:00.000+02:00

News from The New Scientist of this week:

A research group located in Gdansk, Poland has supposedly recently come out with the very first example of AI, aka Artificial Intelligence. They claim to have set a device to behave independently from its owner's commands, taking instead decisions on its own after comprehensive analysis of the owner's life and needs. The complicated algorithm (it is said to be more then 100 times as powerful as the world-known Google searching algorithm) showed some weaknesses when it came to establish which of two given options would actually improve the owner's current situation, but this is mainly due to "the profound lack of morality that the entire world undergoes", then to a specific mistake in the code of the device, as the scientists defend themselves.

Said device, a simple mobile phone re-programmed from the research lab, was substituted to the owner's original without him being aware of the experiment. His reactions have been monitored by hidden cameras and microphones. It appears that in the 7-days experiment, such mobile changed the year of it's internal clock to 2008 in order to prevent the owner from setting the alarm to an hour that would certainly not give him enough sleep. As soon as the owner realized and corrected the mistake, a second-level decision was taken and the alarm was simply not set off at any attempt to set it any time before 11.30 am. The second interesting act of the mobile was to eliminate at once and without warning the whole list of contacts, making the owner understand that happiness does not come from the average number of people one is able to meet (and get the number) in a month.

A long road has still to be taken, since this is quite a rudimentary tools, but the enthusiastic research group claims "the first step has been made, since now on we can throw away our SUV and ride a bike since the road will be descending".

While ambientalists protest that SUV's should have never existed at first, more serious doubts come from the international community. The famous magazine Hippies Above The Ground affirms that ever since man invented machines, they have been acting on their own will, quoting in particular the studies of Dr. Murphy. In one of the side-researches that brought him to formulate the famous law

If something can go wrong, it will.

he proved that a machine (i.e. a non-living being built by a human being to facilitate man's labour), even though generally deprived of a will, always knows when it's the best time to stop functioning creating the highest damage possible.

2006-05-28T16:07:00.000+02:00

girlfriend was away for the weekend and she missed me and i can't wait to see her tonight. we talked on GG about how we met in hi-fi, why she shouldn't be jelaous if other girls look at me, why her friends gave her the best advice ever on that first night and other girly things. i understood that when i'm dancing with my friends and no girl is around us it's because polish guys cut them out, not because they don't want to be close to us.
it somehow pull syou down to know that i won't be able to flirt anymore... it's time for my imagination to make up the best excuses ever and go out without her once or twice a week...

and fuck it's like +7 outside and it's windy and rainy and all wet and there's no heat whatsoever! and we are so lucky because in 7 days (that is, SEVEN FUCKIN' DAYS!) they're cutting out the hot water for the WHOLE MONTH!!

YOU insane hot water people think us poor students can bear anything just because we are too busy partying and studying and partying to complain??
AGH!

2006-05-27T13:16:00.000+02:00

now who the hell had the smart idea of changing my mobile clock to year 2008?

it took me just a week of chronic oversleeping to understand that there was something wrong with my mobile alarm, and not with me.

2006-05-26T14:23:00.000+02:00

girlfriend makes me laugh, but sometimes takes me too seriously...

2006-05-25T15:45:00.000+02:00

there's no more time.

i'm not ok at all, or maybe i'm too ok. things are going better and better every day and every time the sun goes down is one more step toward the end of my stay in this place.

there's no more time and there's too much to do.

girlfriend is great, but it's not what i want in this so particular moment of my life. why didn't i meet her some months ago?

i will have to find an excuse not to meet her tomorrow...

2006-05-25T02:54:00.000+02:00

and tonight i went to outsider to play pool with some friends and i met girlfriend. girlfriend was there for the karaoke night. me and girlfriend didn't tell each other we were going out.

it was a kind of weird atmosphere between us...

oh well

2006-05-25T02:27:00.000+02:00

April 23, 2006

Dear Mr. buldozer,

I am experiencing a serious bullying situation which I have been trying to resolve for the past 21 years. This includes verbal bullying, social bullying, cyber bullying, dating aggression. My involvement is as someone who has bullied.

After having had some time to think about the situation, I would like to express to you my feelings: it's just so right, you can't really avoid it so go poo

I have tried to improve the situation by: killing and torturing

I would also like: to experience a prison

Thank you,

______________________
your bad self
Grade 18

2006-05-15T15:10:00.000+02:00

last night, btw, i downloaded a porn [note: the link is not to a porn video, it's to a funny video family-safe really worth it, so click with no fear ;) ]. it was the classic boss-secretary couple, and it lasted about 15 minutes, of which about 3 of speaking and 12 of sex. a couple fo things surprised me...

this time the excuse to fuck was this sentence, by the secretary:

You know, I like you.
You are not like all other bosses, you don't want to fuck your secretary. [ya right...]
I want to fuck you.

the boss then started kissing and touching her immediately, as we said before, just like he didn't want to fuck her.

the other thing is that her orgasm was the fakest ever. not only she simulated it, which can be considered not so strange, but they even edited the video with some heavy and bad cut and paste to give it some credibility (action that miserably failed in its pourposes).

2006-05-15T14:58:00.000+02:00

my best friend told me she's sick of me.

i'm pretty sure she doesn't know me (any more), but that doesn't matter. i'm not going to explain to her who i am nor i'm going to change for her. but this is not the point. the point is that she can't stand me anymore because i haven't looked in her eyes for the past 5 months.

we've been living in two different countries for so long and our only communication has been going through ICQ. which is words + 12 stupid smilies that i stopped using quite soon. i changed, and she understood it i think, but she still can't figure out how i changed. the words written on a keyboard and transmitted hundreds of kilometers from here are nothing. a simple look in the eyes can not only say much more, but even invert the meaning of any given sentence.

over the lest months, she's been misinterpreting my words, probably partly because of my intensive use of irony. so fuck instant messaging you gonna ruin me! oh if only i had a webcam and she quit this stupid thing of "one and only one program on my computer or the hard drive is gonna burn" and installed wengo!

but she got one thing right: i do judge everything and everybody and i do believe i'm superior (to most of the rest of the living beings).

2006-05-14T12:15:00.000+02:00

un-fuckin-believable

if i'm with a girl you don't call me. you just ignore me. U FUCKIN DISAPPEAR!!!
especially if you're a dumbass girl and then u come next to me and smile in that stupid idiot way u only can.

that's twice in a weekend for good old -i feel so- & -i'm not ok' so what with that? and it wasn't even my fault last night.
but why da fuck did u do it twice??? not one, 2!!

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful

except i don't feel cheap at all, i feel like somebody fucked me right on the thing that mattered to me the most in that moment and the whole night went to hell.

for those who are wondering what happened last night, i met a girl on the dance floor. dance'n'chat for some 20 minutes or so and then these 3 girlfriends of mine (like they are female friends, not like i'm with them) show up in a place where i would never expect them. nothing bad with that, but i'm with another girl, i glance at them and smile briefly to aknowledge them but at the same time stay cool with the girl i'm with. let 1 minute pass and that bitch holds my arm and wants me to hug and kiss them. like i'm fuckin dancing with somebody, would you just leave me alone? i turn around and the girl is gone. she had a train in a couple of minutes and she had to go and i didn't have time to get her number and i was really liking her shitfuck!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

i run in the street to try to find her but hell knowd where she is in that crowd.
ok, back in the club, the night is young. i tell my friend that it's much better for everybody if she ignores me since then on and i do believe i was quite clear and firm with that. another girl sees me, smiles and gets closer to me. i move my steps to approach her and in that very moment there they come again, dancing around me this time and smiling at me. and the girl goes away...

now what happened is not that important after all, but it just pisses me off when somebody fucks me like that. is it so hard to understand that if a friend of yours has company, you leave him alone? didn't think so.

2006-05-12T13:57:00.000+02:00

it was such a long fuckin time since the last time i listened to that couple of songs just out of bed
i'm talking about "I Feel So - Boxcar Races" and "I'm Not Ok (I Promise) - My Chemical Romance"

not many things could go wrong last night, and all of them did. plus a few others just because. and i'm late with university. fuckin spring! it was supposed to be a better time!!!!

i don't know where's the point where i missed the right turn, but it wasn't even funny...
i feel so cinical and sarcastic today that you better NOT TALK TO ME!

2006-05-10T19:17:00.000+02:00

when i was 15 i used to go to the cinema with my gf so i had an excuse to hold her hand and steal a kiss, in the dark, away from the crowd...
i'm quite sure i didn't give a fuck of the movie.

when i bring a girl now to the cinema it's because i want to have a walk with her BEFORE and have something to talk about AFTER. and please be quiet during the movie, i'm trying to watch it...

2006-05-08T16:33:00.000+02:00

how bout some music today??
Mass Kotki - Sex & Violence
Miss Kittin - Frank Sinatra

enjoy

plus i realized that in a not-so-old post i was talking about other bloggers and i gave you the name but i forgot to link them, which made them basically useless since on the internet a person is nothing without a link. so:
JaG
Phil
LeDemure

aaaaaand....
I KNEW IT!
i'm cool and i have great ideas and imagination and i am most of the times the best at things that i do really well. if that doesn't make much sense to you read it the other way or upside down, it works as well
but that also implies big responsabilty (apart from a developed sense of foolishness) and big responsability means that now i gottta learn how to model 3D with Rhino in two days to present my project to the professors.

2006-05-07T20:10:00.000+02:00

a 14-hour party on saturday night is not always as good as it may sound, especially when it comes to the warm sunny sunday afternoon.

not to talk about the people playing soccer and having a barbecue out of my window, while i'm stuck working in front of the pc...

shit

2006-05-07T09:46:00.000+02:00

is it so sweet when a girl smiles at you as she sees you just awake in the morning

words are useless time-fillers

2006-05-05T14:04:00.000+02:00

to all the girls out there reading my blog: is it normal that a girl wants to sleep with a boy (me), and by sleep i mean sleep - hugging but no kissing at all?? or is it me? please tell me, have you ever wanted to sleep with somebody just for the sake of sleeping, and not wanting anything else from the night?

this, by the way, reminds me of an excerpt from "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" -if i remember correctly- by Milan Kundera, a book that i loved. for as far as i remember, it said

A man can have sex with as many women as he likes, but he can sleep only with the one he loves.

given that it is true, i love at least four or five girls at the moment; and this would demonstrate that monogamy is against human nature. right?

2006-05-04T11:43:00.000+02:00

the 3 best things of this sailing trip:

no 3. when the edge of the boat touches the water under the strong wind and everybody is like "god help me i'm a-gonna die" and you smile and feel the adrenaline and that makes your day
no 2. when you feel that everything is moving once you step back on earth
no 1. ricotta cheese pancake topped with chocolate and cream

i saw the fear in the eyes of the guy that rented us the boat, fear itself caused by the sight of the fear in the eyes of the skipper as he tried unsuccessfully to get us out of the harbour. our skipper didn't know that to turn right you gotta turn the engine to the other side
i saw the boat turning almost uncontrolled under the low wind as our skipper had no idea whatsoever of how to tense the sails
i saw the rudder breaking since our skipper forgot to take it out of the water while in the harbour
i saw the boat drift toward the low-water grass as the skipper had the great idea of putting up the sail with the wind on the side and the engine shut down
i saw blood on the hands of the whole crew as we pulled the grass to get the boat back in the open water
i unfortunately didn't see the look in my eyes when, later on, our skipper told me that he had never sailed again after, eight years before, he had taken the licence.

it was a hard situation. what do you do when your experience is clearly much much bigger then the almost non-existent skipper's experience? on one hand the rule wants that you obey to any command the skipper gives you, no matter what. this is for the simple reason that in case of emergency the skipper must have the authority to give quick and precise orders to get the boat out of trouble. on the other hand every decision he took - whenever he felt like taking a decision instead of just waiting for something to happen - was getting us in a situation even worse then before. the third day he fortunately understood that it was better for everybody if he listened to my advices, and when we reached the rest of the boats that started with us, one day later, we got a new skipper.

we visited twice as many ports as the rest of the boats as every night we ended up where we were not supposed to be. we had warm teas after a day in the wind. we had campfires and sausages. we had beer, wodka and champagne. we sang and we sailed. we pulled ropes. we didn't get wet. i didn't meet a friend of mine that was on the same lake. we were chased by another team, for a picture. we gave way to a boat that was supposed to give way to us. we felt the wind on the skin and in the bones. we slept not so much in fact. we almost got stuck in shallow waters. we looped around the cormorans' island. we laughed.

[OFF TOPIC]
lately i've been linked by some of the bloggers i appreciate the most and that i've been reading the most in the last months, namely phil, jag and ledemure. it feels good. check them out.
this also makes me think that on my side instead i stopped surfing blogs, commenting and linking... for bad or for good?

2006-04-28T07:59:00.000+02:00

i so love sailing! ya ya i should go to university instead of travelling around for more then half of the month, but what can i say, they are wrong.
attending lectures is the most useless thing ever. like smarten up! they invented BOOKS.

so off i go again because it's the only way i'm gonna learning anything down here.
and i'll come back with a whole new experience on sailing (yes that's for you cap'n) ...

so fuckin tired but hey it's tradition! you leave early in the morning so you are FORCED to party all night the night before and do an afterhour till dusk when the train leaves. so much time to sleep on the train anyway, right?
except we used to leave at 5am, but this time they thought well of postponing it 'till 9am... great... and my girl started feeling sick during the party and went home at 4 or something and the only thing i had left was eating a pack of pasta with my roommate. or drinking wodka but we thought pasta was healthier...

then i watched prison break and if you still don't know about it go check it out on FOX. D'WE UN'ERSTAN' EACH OTHER?

8am now, waiting for the clock to work its way... i fuckin hate time. it's the stupidest invention ever!

2006-04-26T09:51:00.000+02:00

olivier last night back from irish pub told me -man you should have kissed her!
i said -why i don't like her... and he replied -you don't care. she's a girl.

his other theory is that -you don't care of girls

YA RIGHT YOU STUPID HOLE MAYBE WHEN I WAS 8!!

yesterday i started eating healthy because i don't want my mum to tell me how bad i eat when she will see me next month and all i got is a pain right in the middle of the oesophagus like when you eat bread and it stucks there but when it's bred the pain goes away with some water...

yesterday i also learned that the trick to get the night bus on time from the pub is to go away without saying anything to anybody.

2006-04-24T13:11:00.000+02:00

dedicated to me

today i like myself

ps: some time ago i published a how-to-become-a-blogstar guide. on my old blog. i started following my advices and in a week or so i passed from an average of 10 to an average of 70 hits per day. i was all like I SO ROCK!!! and i received positive comments by two blogstars. then my friends started insulting me so i don't know if it would have actually worked on the long period because they got so angry i had to shut the blog down. ya i said it a thousand times i know but what the hell. no?

WHERE'S MY SUUUUNNN???????

2006-04-23T17:22:00.000+02:00

to aiRah

i had just finished watching prison break when i decided to watch another episode. for some reason after this second episode i looked at my blog more carefully, especially at the comments. my god you commented every single post, even the most meaningless, and made it so interesting! you are a blogging goddess!

i can't reply to all of your comments, i mean, of course i could, but i think they are so many that a dedicated post would be more appropriate.

as for the photography post, yes i took those pictures, and no i'm not a professional photographer. i do it because i find something in it. people like apple pies, other people like photography i guess... i shoot when i have free time, when the weather inspires me or simply when i feel like. i've never taken any course, i learnt all by myself and that post is nothing but my very own experience. but anyway i'm so glad you like my pictures!

then there is this quite messy post and well those two people are the (now ex !!!) italian prime minister (the big face and the one sitting) and the anchorman of a TV political program. just don't get fooled by the perspective the picture was taken, hthe prime minister wasn't hitting the guy on the face, it was more of a (friendly) pat.

then there is this boy/girl game i talked about in a couple of posts... well it's not exactly how things work here in the west, but basically what happens is that i try to get a girl's attention, or the girls tries to get mine. and this is a whole game by itself because the very first contact you make with a person will influence the image this person will have in the future about you. and it's not just like you go there and start talking to her, you gotta be smart...
once this is done it's not the end though. as i said, there are a thousand doors out. you start to see each other and at the same time you have to look interesting to her and you have to understand if you really like her or not. i like to consider it a game, but i consider a lot of things a game, starting by life in itself. it's just funnier

and that revenge thing is not really a revenge. the point is that if i show that i'm ready for her whenever she is willing to see me she will have a bad impression of me, and i'm not her dog anyway. plus it's always good to be desired.

btw, she's off.

2006-04-23T14:20:00.000+02:00

better smart then warm. chances are you'll get warm later...

and again due to my chronic improductivity i'll miss a beautiful day at the beach. i'll try to go running later but everything depends on some factors out of my control including how many hours it will take to luigi pizza to bring me my pizza, when my parents will decide to call me, if i will feel like making a couple of phone calls that i should have made two weeks ago, if my brain will decide that it's maybe a good idea to concentrate.

as for now i'm just trying to recover from the first hangover of my life caused by one and only one drink. or maybe i should start drinking water and eating vegetables.

because the hangover is nothing more then that. you drink, your brain receives less oxygen due to alcohol and you feel weird (or funny). but at the same time your body looses water and vitamins which you are supposed to reintegrate the day after.

i think i'll watch prison break in a while...

2006-04-21T15:05:00.000+02:00

Kaliningrad

the day before leaving, all i wanted was

let's go get lost

i totally got it. just imagin you get down the bus in a city of which you know nothing but the name, you don't know where in the city you arrived, you don't know where you will be able to sleep, you don't understand what people say and, most of all, you can't even read the sings.
i felt excited.

that's that tiny little piece of russia taken from the big mother russia and put somewhere in europe between poland and lithuania. which means that the trip from the place where i live takes 3 hours by bus (plus another three hours for fuckin retarded stupid customs) and costs only 7 euros (plus 60 euros for useless money-sucker visa).

some of us went there with the clear intent of fucking, some instead seeked plain and simple fun. we all got what we wanted. russian girls are beautiful. incredibly beautiful. they take care of their look, of their clothes, but most of all, as i learned, of their person. when we got to kaliningrad in the first moment we didn't know where to turn our heads, it was something in between the fashion week and miss univers. now that we are back in a more "normal" place we are experiencing schizophrenia and depression.

russian girls are also lovely. they are not empty minded models, but interesting girls, frustrated by boring russian boys that don't know or don't care of touching them. and i mean in a boy/girl relationship, be it a tender caress, a passionate kiss on the neck or a hand running along their body.

russian girls loved us. and by that i mean that they fell in love with us, just after a couple of hours being with them. they saw something in us. something that is everyday life for us, but that they can't find in anybody else in russia. they liked the way we walked, the way we smiled, the way we looked at them, they way we treated them.

as for the city, it's quite ugly. but the baltic sea and the coast, just kilometers from the city, is something so beautiful. the cold wind didn't stop us from going there twice, in two different places, and being amazed both times.

i'm in love with kaliningrad, with the baltic sea, with katjuska. last night i went out in a club here in gdansk, i felt bad. my fiends as well. it will take some time to readjust.

2006-04-13T13:32:00.000+02:00

it's not the final result that counts; what counts is that it ends up better then expected.

2006-04-12T15:47:00.000+02:00

J hates sisters. he loves women, but he hates stupid sisters who think they have some kind of responsability over the younger ones and won't let them alone have some fun.
J hates people that are not able to let themselves go, and think that everybody around them (especially if it's the younger sister) are not supposed to let go either.

J will probably not see her ever again. J is very fond of her and thinks that even though he has been knowing her for only a couple of days, he has lost a lot. this happens only when J meets special girls.

J loves women, but is crazy of special girls.
tomorrow J will go back to his girlfriend.

the elder sister may not speak to J ever again. i said.

2006-04-11T13:11:00.000+02:00

sorry, my cap'n, gotta have a little more patience...

elections in italy

we have the stupidest system ever. we have two chambers of parliament. what do you need two chambers for?

the difference is that to vote for the higher chamber you must be at least 25. this means that since the right-wing gets votes mainly from rich, old and/or not cultured people, the high chamber is always more right-oriented.

there was a high risk that in italy now we had the lower chamber controlled by the leftists and the high chamber by the righteous. this fortunately didn't happen.

italy is broken in two pieces basically equal, even though, for effect of that same election law that the right approved 4 months ago (that is 4 months prior to the elections), they lost.

BUT

Berlusconi won. the only acceptable result that could be considered a victory would be the ultimate ousting of Berlusconi from politics, which did not happen, since he is still the leader of the biggest party in italy and his coalition got half of the votes.

nonetheless he is a criminal, an unfair player, and an excellent communicator.

Prodi, on the other side, is an excellent politician, a wise man, and a dreadful leader.

2006-04-10T17:06:00.000+02:00

it's not that im busy, it's just that i got nothin to say
sad
the artist's crisis

let's get something out of it, something beautiful, gorgeous...

ya, _GORGEOUS_

love that word

but it's gonna be mystical rather then gorgeous

2006-04-10T16:59:00.001+02:00

2006-04-10T16:59:00.000+02:00

2006-04-08T13:33:00.000+02:00

the game is over

but never forget, once you are in, there are a thousand doors that can bring you outside

this morning i pretty much love everything and everyone, but i hate, hate, hate those who play soccer because they have to shout "kurwa" [it means "bitch" in polish, but it has the same use as fuck/fuckin' in english] every second second AND those who play basketball just for the noise the ball makes. especially if it all happens under my window at noon on saturday morning, an hour that should simply be eradicated from mankind

2006-04-07T12:33:00.000+02:00

hahaha karaoke is the FUNNIEREST thing ever!
especially after a few beers and a wodka. and even more if you get offered all of them...

so this is bigos:

bigos is to poland what pasta is to italy, with a couple of differences:

it takes ages to prepare bigos, while 20 minutes are more then enough for pasta and a good sauce;
bigos looks like vomit.

if you ever get to visit poland close your eyes and eat it.

for the guys out there, this is how it works with girls (given that they are interested in you):
you tell them

why don't we meet tomorrow for a coffe or something?

they reply

i'd love to, i have lots of things to do tomorrow but i'll try to find some time, i'll let u know ok?

the day after if you are lucky you'll get an sms stating that they are sorry but really can't make it and maybe you can do it next week, or you might just not get any sign at all until 2 days later.

you tell them

i have a plan for you tomorrow, we meet at 7 in front of xxx for a coffe, then go to yyy for dinner and end the night in zzz club.

they say

ok nice

and the day after you play your date.

2006-04-06T19:51:00.000+02:00

this was my day, as from my msn nickname

manu
manu is painting
manu is thinking about food
manu is, at last, having lunch
manu is now listening to the blues brothers

u don't give a fuck, do you? hell...

anyway i don't know if it's harder to see ana or to find a flat in poland... and i'm scared my ex gf will call me today... gonna play socketball with some germans and danish...

ps: so are we sending that guy home?

and believing in god is putting the responsability for one's own actions into something "else". adopt an "other" morality instead of building one's own. unless you believe in god in a different way.

2006-04-05T21:07:00.000+02:00

some american president once said that small minds talk about people, average minds talk about happenings, great minds talk about ideas.
i would add that greatest minds can talk about all three subjects easily switching from one to another and make them interesting as hell, and that blogs follow this rule.

2006-04-05T16:45:00.000+02:00

i'm dropping blogmad and despair.nu. it's just shit.
sure, at first i was all excited i was like great idea u visit my site i visit yours we exchange comments we are all happy because others actually read our blogs and make comments... well forget it. people use blogmad just because one blog u visit, one visit u get, but of course i soon realized that people get firefox, open two tabs, open blogmad blog-surf in one and whatever shit they want to actually visit on the other and just pop in blogmad every once in a while to press the button to see next blog and get one more hit.

at least that's what I was doing.

and for the comment thing i felt awful every time i had to comment on somebody. yes because you are COMPELLED to comment on two or three blogs that you do NOT choose. and since only shitty blogs are subscribed to despair.nu and if u tell them they are shit they are all like "who are u to judge my blog" (on which i've already written a post) and they get really annoying and it's like impossible to write any slightly better then average comment... shit i lost my self in this ranting... 'nyway i was trying to say that i'm sick of pretending that their blog is actually interesting (because it's the only way to write a good comment if the blog is pure emptiness) so off u go!

i'm keeping blogexplosion though because there are nice blogs there and i'm thinking about this hosting-other's-blogs-or-something-like-that thing...

plus, i got my revenge on ana last night
she was waiting for me at irish pub but i went out with alina instead and didn't tell her anything and she gave me a ring at 1.30
so maybe next time she'll think a little more before forgetting to invite me on sunday afternoon and telling me instead how great was her day at the beach knowing that i spent it inside working on my project!

the good news is that i proudly am now Cap'n Dyke's Pilot

2006-04-03T11:57:00.000+02:00

i applied for this photography contest and i was the only one in my category so i'm going to the finals for sure. that's fuckin sad. for the others of course who didn't send any work! i'm just wondering which pics will be chosen among the three i sent.

and talking about photography, i know i promised you an article some time ago, but i'm lazy. so here it is

first:

a good subject is NOT a good picture. this is the only thing that really counts in photography. once you understand this concept you will be ready to improve your skills with composition, light conditions, tricks and all this boring kind of stuff. but techniques comes AFTER.

there's no point in aiming your camera at something just because it's the tour eiffel and everybody says it's beautiful. when you are holding a picture in your hand, you are holding A PICTURE, not the tour eiffel. the subject doesn't matter at all, should not even be considered.

so which one would you put in your room? the second picture represents nothing, just two doors. would you imagine millions of visitors for those two doors?

so you are walking down the street and you spot something that for some reason interest you. what do you do? do NOT point at it. walk around, have a look at the place where you are standing in its whole, think. how do you feel like in front of it? that's your picture. not the object that hit your eye, but the sensation you are feeling. you are photographing yourself, not the subject.

ok, given that you have made this concept utterly yours, what next?

second:

buy magazines, watch exibitions, look at as much "pro" photography as you can and start experimenting. walk in the street and start shooting and compare your pictures with the ones you were looking at. why are they so... so... incredible!, and why do yours suck instead?

then stop it. stop looking at the work of others and stop photographing. throw away any magazine you still have and hide your camera in your closet. get out and walk, and observe, and feel, and watch. for one or three or six months it doesn't really matter. but do not shoot anything. what do you want to shoot anyway if you don't even know the place where you are living?

now you probably have thousands of shitty pictures on your hard drive severral months old, and you look at them and you think WTF was i thinking of?? they are such empty bullshit, i can't believe i actually took these pics!
so now what?

third:

get a film camera. wanna learn? get a film camera. then you can switch to digital when you feel you are good enough, but it's quite simply not possible to learn from a digital camera.

this time you will take photography one step further: composition and details. it's all about that. composition is the mean that conveys the greatest part of the feeling, and details are the ones that give depth to a picture.

go out and shoot, one film, two films, three films and counting... for every film you shoot choose the best three pictures, and throwh away (yes, like in the fire or in the street or whereever they will be destroyed forever) the rest. your goal for next film is to have ALL of its slides being better then those three. and keep up with this sane behaviour, which has the side effect of saving so much room you can't even image right now.

last and least:

get some skills with lighting, shutter speed, depth of field and this kind of bullshit...

2006-04-02T12:43:00.000+02:00

1. aiRah has really surprised me. i don't know how she did it, but she commented almost the whole front page of my blog. i've never done anything like that myself!! and in one of them she asked me why i started blogging only in march.

well, actually i didn't. i started last october, and it was supposed to be a slightly different thing from a blog. i left italy to come to poland to study for one year, it's an exchange program very common in europe. i'm lazy so i opened a blog where i could write what i was going through and my friends could go there and read it and i didn't have to write emails anymore. it was the perfect plan! then gradually blogging became an obsession, and that email-diary thing became an actual blog where i was getting naked on the internet. and my friends didn't like it. ok they didn't like me, because they had a stupid image of me one year ago and OBVIOUSLY i'm not the same one of one year ago anymore so i opened this new blog hoping that they will never find it until they smart up a little.

so next question would be "why did you start blogging only in october?"
because i considered blogging a stupid waste of time. of course i didn't change my mind, it's still a total waste of time but i started enjoying wasting time so here i am. anything else you want to know?

2. you were THIS close to be deleted from my mind (and my mobile) you are so lucky and you don't even know it! for like at least 30 secs last night i was like should i stay or should i go? you owe me one. NOW COME READ THIS BLOG SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD HAVE GONE THROUGH JUST A FEW HOURS AGO!!!

2006-04-01T13:00:00.000+02:00

ok maybe root beer is not canadian, but it's canada for me.
anyway...

so many smartass blogging guide out there, but what about commenting? nobody has ever written a How To Comment guide as far as i know (let me know if you know of any) but guys if posts are the structural core and essence of a bog, comments are its vital lymph. a blog with no comments goes nowhere, it doesn't make the point.

comments must be short and smart, must go directly to the point, must be a positive addition to the post. they bring the dialogue (and the blog) to life. but there is a major difference between a post and a comment. when you write an entry, you are alone in front of your audience, but it always takes two people to write a comment, you and the blogger.

a post of the "woke up at 9 washed the car got a 90% on the math test" will never bring any quality comment. all you can get will be "hey i'm happy for your math score" while clearly the commenter doesn't give a fuck about your math test and the comment is emptt, stupid and useless by itself. but it's not the commenter's fault.

if you are a blogger, give them some quality posting, some issues to think about, some smartass posts. it's your goal to put your audience in a position for sane commenting. if you are a commenter, just refrain from commenting useless and boring posts, but kick the blogger's ass when the post deserves it!

if you want to know what i'm talking about, take aiRah or Cap'n Dyke. they rock when they comment.

so you know what? help me in my struggle for quality commenting. get this button or whatever other similar button you come up to and put it in your blog and link it to this post or a similar post you will write and spread the world. i spoke.

btw, wanna know if your blog is good? check the comments you get out, before you give any importance to shit like technocrati

2006-03-30T15:31:00.000+02:00

i know i know... i said that those "what kind of shit are you" tests are useless and stupid, but i also said that i do them anyway out of boredom. so i did this one and i can't help but publish it. i'll tell you why later:

You Are Root Beer

Ultra sweet and innocent, you have a subtle complexity behind your sugary front.
Children love you, but so do high end snobs... when you're brewed right.

Your best soda compatibility match: Dr. Pepper

Stay away from: Diet Coke
What Kind of Soda Are You?

root beer!! do you even know what it is? probably not if you're not canadian... it's like the best drink ever. i hated it the first time i tried it. the second time it was ok. the third time i loved it! for me root beer = canada and if you don't like root beer you are not canadian. and canada is there deep in my heart for a number of reasons too long to blog about... ya that's why. i was expecting anything BUT root beer from this test and then i saw the result and i was melting on my chair

2006-03-30T14:54:00.000+02:00

right... i almost forgot...
so do you remeber marin? no? ok check it out then come back here.

so this was our conversation on the phone yesterday:

me: ya?
him: hi, what are you doing? working?
me: no, wasting my time...
him: can i write a thing on msn?
me: no.

2006-03-30T13:54:00.000+02:00

to my dearest audience and trusted commenters:

about the last post, i gotta precise a couple of things. it *all* makes sense. ALL. it's senseless only if you believe so, which means that you also believe in sense. but as we said, nothing has any sense if not the one that WE give.
secondly, that post was about something that was running through my mind, and the author that i was talking about is Borges. shakespear was good with emotions, but borges digs into the (non)sense of the world and makes shakespeare disappear behind a tiny grain of dust. you can start with "the aleph"...

then yesterday i thought that having a blogroll is great because you build a blogging network so that you don't need shit like blogmad anymore to surf through blogs, and everyone should have tons of links on the sidebar. but then i thought that it's not fair because there are blogs that's nice reading and blogs that are actually interesting. so there you go. if you want to appear in the good section let me know ok?

and WhyDaFuck if a girl is interested in me she has to play like she's not interested? like just fucking kiss me! i'm so deleting your number right on monday morning if you don't wake up babe...

i'm getting sick of blogmad. seriously, i keep visiting such awful blogs. since i subscribed a couple of weeks these are the stats:
fucking boring and useless blogs: 65%
blogs that it's ok to read the first 5 lines: 20%
blogs that it's ok to read at least the whole first post: 12%
blogs that you can scroll the entire front page: 2.999%
interesting blogs: 1 (one)
AND that one blog is not even in blogmad. i got there from a link from somebody that was in blogmad. i'm so dropping blogmad when i'll start getting a few hits independently from it. er... yeah, i'm such an hypocrite. fuck me.

2006-03-29T11:59:00.000+02:00

nonsense is something we should all care about. it's given that the world doesn't have much sense, and it's quite possible it doesn't have sense at all. if god exists, he is very mean. or he has a wife. and i counted over and over but i have each one of my ribs so that makes me think a little bit. plus, i don't like apples but i'm savy nonetheless. would you give anybody food and happiness but leave him/her in a profound state of ignorance? that looks like dictatorship (aka tyranny)...

pascal once said that the only problem of men is that they can't sit quitely in their room. right can't we just accept our nature and live with it? do we really have to find a reason, a meaning, a goal for everything we do? fuck it!

a little nonsense here and there is nothing so bad. especially since nothing has a sense. i would drink the waters of the river of immortality to have enough time to find the river of mortality, then sink in it.

objects do not exist. or more probably they are clones of others somewhere in the universe. the problem is when an object comes into contact, that is, when two clones can see each other. they don't always recognize each other, and sometimes they fail in the other way, thinking they are the same while they clearly are not. this creates turbolences, since no clones exist in reality and every time a conflicts happens.

chaos is everywhere out there except in our minds. it used to be, but we let it out long time ago. it's time to accept it once again as part of us. mayhem. it's right there, we only need to reach it with our arm and open our hands. you can see it. can't you? yes you do, just look a little closer...

feel the breathe on your skin. chaos be with you.

note: one man understood all this not long ago. he wrote a book. many take it as a novel, but it is not. do you know anything about this?

2006-03-27T19:59:00.000+02:00

can somebody tell me please what emo is/means/stands for?
i mean i listen to emo music and i've just found out that it's actually the third emo wave, and none of these three waves has anything to do with the other two. so that brought me to the fast conclusion that emo is more nothing then anything...
but then surfing blogs this "emo kid" appears pretty much everywhere and especially in those places where you wouldn't expect him to be. and always comes unexpected. for what i know he could be:

a) a depressed boy too stupid to get out of depression
b) a sentimental/sensitive boy too much inside its own mind to understand that a whole world is out there
c) a son of a rich family too rich not to be depressed about it
d) a boy trying to be alternative, not understanding that he's simply a commercial product/following a fashion

can anybody enlighten me? it really looks like nerd bullshit anyway...

2006-03-27T12:39:00.000+02:00

blog memes are stupid. how do you pronounce it anyway? m-eh-m? m-ee m-ee? maim? whatever.
i used to do them out of boredom and also because i thought they were cool. i used to get heavily insulted because of that.

even worse are all those stupid personality tests like what zombie are you, what muppet are you, what color are you - like who fuckin cares? your blog sucks anyway. and i do them because i rather waste my time then study or clean my room but i have enough dignity not to publish them.

BUT

there is a meme that is totally worth it.

oh fuck i'm just so lazy i was gonna do it right now but i changed my mind so who knows maybe i'll do it one day maybe not... not that you care anyway but it's cool...

among the other things i just invented a new meme:

4 memes you have done
4 memes you are planning to do
4 memes you'll never do
4 memes you'd rather be doing now
4 best memes ever
4 worst memes ever
4 things you discovered about yourself while doing memes
4 reasons why you hate memes
4 reasons why you hate me
4 memes that changed your (blog)life
4 bloggers you'd kill for having forced you into memes
4 bloggers you'd kill for tagging you all the time
4 blogs you'd shut down for improper and excessive use of memes

coming soon: what kind of MEME are you?

2006-03-26T15:15:00.000+02:00

sadly(?) this year is teaching me not to trust other people, especially when it concerns myself.
my parents used to tell me that i should seek for the help of others, instead of relying exclusively on my capabilities like i used to do. now that i'm starting to follow their advice, i know that they are wrong and that i was much smarter back then. i'm better then most of the people out there, so why should i rely on them if they are stupid?
i think that since the age of 16, when you really know how the world works and you are at the peak of your mental development, you necessarily start getting dumber and dumber...

2006-03-25T17:52:00.000+01:00

why da fuck is judging considered bad? who states so?
judgment is human. we live, we love, we hate, we judge. we're not vegetable. i'm proud of having intellective capabilities and struggle every day to act differently from a plant, and this involves hard judging.
if i say you suck, just take it. then you can say i'm an asshole, but don't tell me things like "who are YOU to judge me?" because that pisses me off. besides it's stupid, how can you even survive if you don't judge? i like this, i don't like this, i love this, i hate this, you suck. that's life, that's mankind my dear... and if you're trying to convince people that judging is bad, you're gonna end up just like those who think that sex is the road to perdition.

2006-03-25T12:24:00.000+01:00

video today:
i am drugs + elevatormoods + pleix films

2006-03-24T17:34:00.000+01:00

2001 explained + interviewing for the love of your life

2006-03-24T13:40:00.000+01:00

uh, ever noticed that spring smells differently? i mean, it's as cold as january and the weather is not that much better, but the air smells strange...

among the other things that i hate, there is having the phone on my back, which compells me to complicated contorsions when marin calls me to ask if i'm working instead of fucking using messenger.

hi, what are you doing? are you working?

ya...

so we meet at four as we said?

ya...

ok see you later then

bye

2006-03-24T11:55:00.000+01:00

hmmm... will you get offended if i say i hate your blog? ok, let's put it on constructive criticism...
it's not that it is annoying, it's just sooo stupid.

so often i come across blogs which look just the same. sometimes i'm actually wondering if it's the same person that put up tens of blogs just because. so these are the characteristics (please note all of them are either stupid, useless, naive or annoying):

600 px wide
big BIG header image which generally requires you to scroll down just to read the first entry
the font is 3 to 4 px, forcing us to scale it sometimes even twice
the first entry itself often being of the kind "hey finally the new layout is up"
the second entry being "hi all nothing special happened to me"
the third entry often not existing
the sidebar starting with some facts about the blogger
the sidebar following with some "current mood:/listening to:/etc." stuff
some information about when the domain was acquired
a different page with exit links
some thousands of different ways to contact the blogger
generally some brushes or icon sets are also available for download
buttons provided to link back the site

now some characteristics about the blogger itself, which should make you think (especially if you are a psychologist/sociologist):

girl (very rarely it's a boy)
16-17 year old (but it can go down to 14)
living in the US or in Canada
with paintshop and web design skills

now is it some kind of new wave in blogging? a blogging 2.0? am i getting old? don't think so...

get a decent header, no more then 150-200 px
make the font readable. size it about 80% (don't use em's, there are issues with IE)
ok for a few words about yourself, but just do it in a different way
links in the FRONT page! i'm navigating through blogs, i don't want to go to a second useless page just to exit-click to another blog
nobody gives a fuck about technical information on your host
nobody gives a fuck about current mood/listing to stuff. posts are the place where you should write about your current mood!
rather make a "suggested song" kind of thing
content BEFORE styling, especially if styling is bad
don't change the cursor to stupid shapes, like a diagonal double arrow when i roll over links. that's just so annoying you can't imagine
who is ever going to use a button to link to a little blog? i can imagine that some of your (online) friends will do it but it's stupid as well because it just takes up spaces and messes up the links

2006-03-23T15:00:00.000+01:00

Five years ago in Florence (it was my third high school year) my parents brought me to an exhibition of Santiago Calatrava, engineer with some estethical sense. I was so impressed that in that moment I decided I was in love with calatrava and I would have been an architect. This totally killed my previous plan to become a policeman on a motorbike, which had on its turn sunk my dream of being an astronaut.

Susrpisingly a year later I was still confident on the fact that I would have been an architect. And two years later as well. And so and so.

A couple of years before that exhibition I had asked my parents to buy me a camera for my birthday. It was a compact camera with a few functions and with a 35-120mm zoom. Quite shit yeah but i was young. I did some childish technique/composition/lighting experiments (just as far as the camera allowed me) but i rarely used it.

In january of two years ago, once again, i asked my parents for a camera. This time I wanted a digital fake-SLR camera. I started taking photography more seriously, now my experiments were virtually unlimited and I could even try out some basic real-photography skills (meaning the manual setting of shutter speed and diafram and stuff like that). I got more and more involved, struggled to finish my high school decently since I didn't have any more interest in it, and often went downtown just for the sake of taking pictures. I even got an account on deviantART.

After nine months I finally got enrolled in the Milan Politechnic School to study architecture. I still considered architecture my first passion, but I've never totally abandoned photography. I started buying magazines about photography, though, and got seriously motivated to improve myself in this field.

I slowly developed some kind of fetish about photography materials such as flashes, studios, camera bodies and lenses. Unknowingly, my mind started running backwards, and slowly shifted from the love for the new and technologically advanced to the one for the vintage. I found myself lusting for a film SLR.

It was a mild afternoon in the spring of last year, when I finally decided to have a look in a trusted photo lab, who also selled some used photography material. And there it was. As I saw it I realized it had been my dream forever, the Canon EOS-5, first released in 1992, still perfectly working and doing a heck of a job.

I was starting to realize that maybe the photogrphy career would have been even more satisfacting then architecture.

Last week I went out with a friend, and we started talking about our respective studies. I couldn't help to add, at the end of one of my comments about architecture,

But my dream is to become a photographer

She reacted with an ecstatic expression and I had togo on and talk about it, about my choices, my skills, my thoughts on it. Among the other things I told her about my switch from digital to film and about composition (a concept that, in fact, occurs in archtecture just as often).

A few days ago I stumpled upon this and this.

Why did I write all this? Well, just to justify and clarify the background of my upcoming article about photography. So... keep in touch, it will be released in the next days!

2006-03-22T23:21:00.000+01:00

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip.

You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through and you’ll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

thanks Jester for the above

oh and in case you feel awkwardly optimist, confident, motivated, etc. check this out. might help you ;)

2006-03-22T20:34:00.000+01:00

is she making fun of me?

Me :: 20:06:50
hej
Me :: 20:07:55
i saw u today in PG
facziamoczi :: 20:21:54 / S 20:21:43
cze4sc
facziamoczi :: 20:21:54 / S 20:21:51
and you didnt say hallo to me
Me :: 20:22:03
u ignored me
facziamoczi :: 20:22:14 / S 20:22:11
no
facziamoczi :: 20:22:18 / S 20:22:15
imposible
Me :: 20:23:04
yep
facziamoczi :: 20:23:24 / S 20:23:21
{banging head against wall}how could i
Me :: 20:23:51
{hug}
facziamoczi :: 20:24:38 / S 20:24:33
i m so stupid
facziamoczi :: 20:24:38 / S 20:24:33
{hammer on head}
facziamoczi :: 20:24:53 / S 20:24:50
never again
Me :: 20:25:19
oh come on!
Me :: 20:25:30
i still love you
facziamoczi :: 20:25:34 / S 20:25:31
{crying}forgive me

2006-03-22T09:43:00.000+01:00

you don't do it. you just don't. if i'm dancing with a girl you don't come and take her away the very second we have a break from dancing. YOU DON'T FUCKIN DO IT YOU ASSHOLE!!!

...especially if she clearly doesn't like you, loser!

and then ana started talking to me about the job she wants to have after she finishes her studies in the middle of the dancefloor, then she said that we should go out for a coffee because she wants to know me better, then she said that we should do it as soon as possible because in four months the erasmus year will be over, then i asked her when is she free in these days, and she replied i'm always free, whenever you want to go out, i'll be available.

2006-03-21T21:06:00.000+01:00

the ten commandments + anger managment + the rules experiment

2006-03-21T12:16:00.000+01:00

kay guys that's enough... might wanna stop it dontcha think?
every two blogs i surf throu BM there's a post about this BM-open-day-double-credit thing. do u have anything interesting to say? no? so shut up.

and delete those posts they just waste storage space on blogging servers AND annoy readers.

please join my quest by putting your name down here on the comments or tell a joke or whatever and tell all those people how they suck at fantasy and how their life is boring. if you are gonna write something like

u see u are also talking about the BM-open-day-double-credit thing

just don't do it because your comment will be instantly deleted and your blog as well and you'll get bad luck for the rest of your life. forward this to 27 other bloggers in the next few seconds or a car will smash on your computer. true.

this morning a girl that i hadn't ever seen before told me something. don't know what because she spoke in polish so i stared at her and she went

can we sit here?

because she and her collegue had taken my desk to work since i was wandering in the classroom and didn't have anything to do anyway, and i said

of course

and looked at her work and she said

there's a free chair anyway, you can sit here if you want

er... thanks for allowing me to sit at MY place, anyway i'll keep doing nothing around the classroom for the next hour or so

actually that was an invitation

oh... so you are asking me to sit with you

yes

maybe i'll ask her out next time

2006-03-21T11:51:00.000+01:00

2006-03-21T07:46:00.000+01:00

no, not again!!
this is how i woke up this morning. given that i love snow, it's about freakin time spring comes over here! don't you think? eh??

2006-03-21T00:49:00.000+01:00

hehe i just got myself a report from silktide... check it out it's fun!
so it appears that among other things this blog is "ranked #19 in the world", does not meet the british legal requirements, it is "completely, or nearly completely devoid of text", it contains news, profanity and moderate profanity and it has a good variety of images.
i got an 8.1 for the desing and a 6.3 for the marketing. they also suggest to do something with my company brand, which would be according to them "so what?". ya the thing is that they can't find my buisness in google if they search for my company brand. how sad...

2006-03-20T17:13:00.000+01:00

shitfuck! can't take the construction course cause all the places are already taken... gotta find something with a similar name so my home university is happy.
and dominika didn't talk with me in the weekend on GG. why? i mean it's understood that she loves me and ok both her parents had some kind of party and she was supposed to help but fuck couldn't she drop me a word?? whatever this week i'll go to her place and asia her flatmate is really happy because she also likes me and because i will cook for them.
hehe maybe i'll get olivier to come with me.. he'll love it sooo much! emilka the third flatmate has been with him for a week or so but he's never really liked her... ya i'm totally getting him to come with me!

short post here, gotta go back to work. here meaning study. my presentation is going to be the best one for sure, i always come up with good ideas.

2006-03-19T21:34:00.000+01:00

that's the sketch i was talking about

2006-03-19T12:14:00.000+01:00

so this is the sketch of the painting that that teacher liked so much. but when she said

it is classic but...

well i knew right in that moment that it wouldn't have been the final drawing because tell me whatever you want but never mention the word classic in front of me. never. and also never refer to the fact that i look young but this doesn't matter to the painting issue...

oh fuck it!!! blogger's uploading sytem is not working so maybe i'll post the scanned pic later if i'll feel like if not email me for a copy and be nice and make me believe that you are so interested and i'll mail it back to you.

i fuckin hated that sketch, btw, for the exact reason that it was just so ridiculously classic! ok let's say it's the starting point and i'll figure out something from that. at least it's a pretty darn good starting point...

among the other tings i'm not so sure if manda, lithaunian, was trying to kiss me last night or not. probably yes. whatever. geshen instead didn't even say hi to me, maybe because after letting her believe i was interested in her i danced with another girl. but what could i do? she was pretty and she was looking and smiling at me...

oh shut the fuck up!! it's all bullshit... it's the world that i've been avoiding for so many years and now that finally i decided to give it a try just because well i'm just understanding more and more that to avoid this social environment has been probably the best decision of my life. it's one whole big fuckin playing. forget about who you are, think only about who that girl glancing at you might like and act like it and fuck it...

and i want my flat
and it's not spring yet, the pond in front of the house is still completely frozen
and i won't see dominika at least for a week
and i'm so loving my studies
and my pictures as well

listening to: 60's and 70's that my roomate for god knows what reason this morning downloaded tons of

2006-03-18T10:58:00.000+01:00

so yesterday was the big day. i got married with a girl that i used to deeply love but now i simply like. even though she's great in bed. oh and my family really likes her so i was kinda compelled to marry her.
anyway i enter the city hall with my mother on the side and a few other relatives behind me and right there in front of me there is i girl. she looks familiar but i can't really tell when i saw her. she's staring at me with an expression that i can't decipher, and she slowly walk toward me.
- Hi. she says
- Hi. Do we know each other?
my mother looks at us and i can see that she's not confortable with me speaking with another girl. she doesn't answer my question, she just rolls up her left sleeve and shows me her bracelet. my name on it. and suddenly i remember everything...
the one and only love of my life, we promised the world to each other and i've always regretted not being able to keep my promises. growing up, for some reason, we parted from each other. not our feelings though, only our bodies. and there she is again, the day of my marriage.
my mother looks down to me: Who is she?!

i don't remember much of the rest of the ceremony, if not that i wanted to go out of that building as soon as possible.

among the other things that happened to me yesterday, alina offered me two pierogi and then she asked me to join her and her friends but i went to bed instead. oh and i put way too much salt in my pasta.

2006-03-17T16:26:00.000+01:00

ya well don't really know what to write in this post
so...
ahem...

ok mario is going back to germany to get his tooth fixed but i guess that doesn't matter to you at all. BUT IT SHOULD! because it matters to me because we were supposed to start our urbanistic project next monday but he'll be back only on friday if not later.

oh, if you still use skype, burn it. then switch to SIP clients like wengo or gizmo

if you want to know why have a look at what those cowards did or send me email.

and with skype burn intel as well and get an amd