so what?

i think i'm going in some kind of summer vacation...
be back in fall 2006 -- with a surprise ;)
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it's great that mum's cooking for me because even though i cook just as well she saves me tons of time that i can waste in other more ineffective ways.

and after *that* many years i'm still so surprised of how dad is able to find tasks and more tasks every hour of every day and what an incredibly long amount of unnecessary seconds it takes to him to give it to me.

home sweet home...
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i convinced gf to spend my last 4 days in poland living with me, we had so much sex it was the first time in my life i had to say no to a girl.

actually it was more like just give me 5 minutes ok? but then one thing led to another and it was already two in the afternoon and so and so

but fuck it was great. sliding my hand on her skin, holding her body while she catches her breath after an orgasm, looking to her face in the darkness of the cinema cause the movie was so boring and she was so much better... i'm gonna miss gf

then the last day i went out in the afternoon alone to meet an old friend, and when i got back in my room gf was gone, of course. just a note telling me she had enver wanted me to see her crying. i knew and probably i secretly whised not to find her again in the room...

so today i was walking down the streets of this old city of mine and i felt like an alien mostly because i couldn't believe people are so stupid.
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i feel so happy
i feel so tired
i feel a delusion
but i knew it
and i know it's better like this
i feel a little homesick
i feel connected to this place
i feel like rolling stone, from time to time
and this is one of those times
and i feel lonely
i feel surrounded by interesting people
and a few great friends
i feel great compared to other departures
i feel that i don't know if i want it to be over now or rather in 6 hours
and i hate packing
shit
i feel so...
i feel so unsure
but so certain at the same time
i feel moody
i don't feel like drinking
i feel like running
but i feel so lazy
i feel like i have no control over my life in this very moment
because this is an old choice's consequence
i knew it and i'm good with it
yet not so good as i thought.

meh.
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i can't write, i'm in a limbo.

i'll be back.
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