so what?

i know i know... i said that those "what kind of shit are you" tests are useless and stupid, but i also said that i do them anyway out of boredom. so i did this one and i can't help but publish it. i'll tell you why later:

You Are Root Beer



Ultra sweet and innocent, you have a subtle complexity behind your sugary front.
Children love you, but so do high end snobs... when you're brewed right.

Your best soda compatibility match: Dr. Pepper

Stay away from: Diet Coke
What Kind of Soda Are You?

root beer!! do you even know what it is? probably not if you're not canadian... it's like the best drink ever. i hated it the first time i tried it. the second time it was ok. the third time i loved it! for me root beer = canada and if you don't like root beer you are not canadian. and canada is there deep in my heart for a number of reasons too long to blog about... ya that's why. i was expecting anything BUT root beer from this test and then i saw the result and i was melting on my chair
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right... i almost forgot...
so do you remeber marin? no? ok check it out then come back here.

so this was our conversation on the phone yesterday:

me: ya?
him: hi, what are you doing? working?
me: no, wasting my time...
him: can i write a thing on msn?
me: no.
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to my dearest audience and trusted commenters:

about the last post, i gotta precise a couple of things. it *all* makes sense. ALL. it's senseless only if you believe so, which means that you also believe in sense. but as we said, nothing has any sense if not the one that WE give.
secondly, that post was about something that was running through my mind, and the author that i was talking about is Borges. shakespear was good with emotions, but borges digs into the (non)sense of the world and makes shakespeare disappear behind a tiny grain of dust. you can start with "the aleph"...

then yesterday i thought that having a blogroll is great because you build a blogging network so that you don't need shit like blogmad anymore to surf through blogs, and everyone should have tons of links on the sidebar. but then i thought that it's not fair because there are blogs that's nice reading and blogs that are actually interesting. so there you go. if you want to appear in the good section let me know ok?

and WhyDaFuck if a girl is interested in me she has to play like she's not interested? like just fucking kiss me! i'm so deleting your number right on monday morning if you don't wake up babe...

i'm getting sick of blogmad. seriously, i keep visiting such awful blogs. since i subscribed a couple of weeks these are the stats:
fucking boring and useless blogs: 65%
blogs that it's ok to read the first 5 lines: 20%
blogs that it's ok to read at least the whole first post: 12%
blogs that you can scroll the entire front page: 2.999%
interesting blogs: 1 (one)
AND that one blog is not even in blogmad. i got there from a link from somebody that was in blogmad. i'm so dropping blogmad when i'll start getting a few hits independently from it. er... yeah, i'm such an hypocrite. fuck me.
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nonsense is something we should all care about. it's given that the world doesn't have much sense, and it's quite possible it doesn't have sense at all. if god exists, he is very mean. or he has a wife. and i counted over and over but i have each one of my ribs so that makes me think a little bit. plus, i don't like apples but i'm savy nonetheless. would you give anybody food and happiness but leave him/her in a profound state of ignorance? that looks like dictatorship (aka tyranny)...

pascal once said that the only problem of men is that they can't sit quitely in their room. right can't we just accept our nature and live with it? do we really have to find a reason, a meaning, a goal for everything we do? fuck it!

a little nonsense here and there is nothing so bad. especially since nothing has a sense. i would drink the waters of the river of immortality to have enough time to find the river of mortality, then sink in it.

objects do not exist. or more probably they are clones of others somewhere in the universe. the problem is when an object comes into contact, that is, when two clones can see each other. they don't always recognize each other, and sometimes they fail in the other way, thinking they are the same while they clearly are not. this creates turbolences, since no clones exist in reality and every time a conflicts happens.

chaos is everywhere out there except in our minds. it used to be, but we let it out long time ago. it's time to accept it once again as part of us. mayhem. it's right there, we only need to reach it with our arm and open our hands. you can see it. can't you? yes you do, just look a little closer...

feel the breathe on your skin. chaos be with you.

note: one man understood all this not long ago. he wrote a book. many take it as a novel, but it is not. do you know anything about this?
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can somebody tell me please what emo is/means/stands for?
i mean i listen to emo music and i've just found out that it's actually the third emo wave, and none of these three waves has anything to do with the other two. so that brought me to the fast conclusion that emo is more nothing then anything...
but then surfing blogs this "emo kid" appears pretty much everywhere and especially in those places where you wouldn't expect him to be. and always comes unexpected. for what i know he could be:

a) a depressed boy too stupid to get out of depression
b) a sentimental/sensitive boy too much inside its own mind to understand that a whole world is out there
c) a son of a rich family too rich not to be depressed about it
d) a boy trying to be alternative, not understanding that he's simply a commercial product/following a fashion

can anybody enlighten me? it really looks like nerd bullshit anyway...
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blog memes are stupid. how do you pronounce it anyway? m-eh-m? m-ee m-ee? maim? whatever.
i used to do them out of boredom and also because i thought they were cool. i used to get heavily insulted because of that.

even worse are all those stupid personality tests like what zombie are you, what muppet are you, what color are you - like who fuckin cares? your blog sucks anyway. and i do them because i rather waste my time then study or clean my room but i have enough dignity not to publish them.

BUT

there is a meme that is totally worth it.

oh fuck i'm just so lazy i was gonna do it right now but i changed my mind so who knows maybe i'll do it one day maybe not... not that you care anyway but it's cool...

among the other things i just invented a new meme:

4 memes you have done
4 memes you are planning to do
4 memes you'll never do
4 memes you'd rather be doing now
4 best memes ever
4 worst memes ever
4 things you discovered about yourself while doing memes
4 reasons why you hate memes
4 reasons why you hate me
4 memes that changed your (blog)life
4 bloggers you'd kill for having forced you into memes
4 bloggers you'd kill for tagging you all the time
4 blogs you'd shut down for improper and excessive use of memes

coming soon: what kind of MEME are you?
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sadly(?) this year is teaching me not to trust other people, especially when it concerns myself.
my parents used to tell me that i should seek for the help of others, instead of relying exclusively on my capabilities like i used to do. now that i'm starting to follow their advice, i know that they are wrong and that i was much smarter back then. i'm better then most of the people out there, so why should i rely on them if they are stupid?
i think that since the age of 16, when you really know how the world works and you are at the peak of your mental development, you necessarily start getting dumber and dumber...
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why da fuck is judging considered bad? who states so?
judgment is human. we live, we love, we hate, we judge. we're not vegetable. i'm proud of having intellective capabilities and struggle every day to act differently from a plant, and this involves hard judging.
if i say you suck, just take it. then you can say i'm an asshole, but don't tell me things like "who are YOU to judge me?" because that pisses me off. besides it's stupid, how can you even survive if you don't judge? i like this, i don't like this, i love this, i hate this, you suck. that's life, that's mankind my dear... and if you're trying to convince people that judging is bad, you're gonna end up just like those who think that sex is the road to perdition.
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video today:
i am drugs + elevatormoods + pleix films
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2001 explained + interviewing for the love of your life
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uh, ever noticed that spring smells differently? i mean, it's as cold as january and the weather is not that much better, but the air smells strange...

among the other things that i hate, there is having the phone on my back, which compells me to complicated contorsions when marin calls me to ask if i'm working instead of fucking using messenger.

hi, what are you doing? are you working?

ya...

so we meet at four as we said?

ya...

ok see you later then

bye

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hmmm... will you get offended if i say i hate your blog? ok, let's put it on constructive criticism...
it's not that it is annoying, it's just sooo stupid.

so often i come across blogs which look just the same. sometimes i'm actually wondering if it's the same person that put up tens of blogs just because. so these are the characteristics (please note all of them are either stupid, useless, naive or annoying):

600 px wide
big BIG header image which generally requires you to scroll down just to read the first entry
the font is 3 to 4 px, forcing us to scale it sometimes even twice
the first entry itself often being of the kind "hey finally the new layout is up"
the second entry being "hi all nothing special happened to me"
the third entry often not existing
the sidebar starting with some facts about the blogger
the sidebar following with some "current mood:/listening to:/etc." stuff
some information about when the domain was acquired
a different page with exit links
some thousands of different ways to contact the blogger
generally some brushes or icon sets are also available for download
buttons provided to link back the site

now some characteristics about the blogger itself, which should make you think (especially if you are a psychologist/sociologist):

girl (very rarely it's a boy)
16-17 year old (but it can go down to 14)
living in the US or in Canada
with paintshop and web design skills

now is it some kind of new wave in blogging? a blogging 2.0? am i getting old? don't think so...

get a decent header, no more then 150-200 px
make the font readable. size it about 80% (don't use em's, there are issues with IE)
ok for a few words about yourself, but just do it in a different way
links in the FRONT page! i'm navigating through blogs, i don't want to go to a second useless page just to exit-click to another blog
nobody gives a fuck about technical information on your host
nobody gives a fuck about current mood/listing to stuff. posts are the place where you should write about your current mood!
rather make a "suggested song" kind of thing
content BEFORE styling, especially if styling is bad
don't change the cursor to stupid shapes, like a diagonal double arrow when i roll over links. that's just so annoying you can't imagine
who is ever going to use a button to link to a little blog? i can imagine that some of your (online) friends will do it but it's stupid as well because it just takes up spaces and messes up the links

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Five years ago in Florence (it was my third high school year) my parents brought me to an exhibition of Santiago Calatrava, engineer with some estethical sense. I was so impressed that in that moment I decided I was in love with calatrava and I would have been an architect. This totally killed my previous plan to become a policeman on a motorbike, which had on its turn sunk my dream of being an astronaut.

Susrpisingly a year later I was still confident on the fact that I would have been an architect. And two years later as well. And so and so.

A couple of years before that exhibition I had asked my parents to buy me a camera for my birthday. It was a compact camera with a few functions and with a 35-120mm zoom. Quite shit yeah but i was young. I did some childish technique/composition/lighting experiments (just as far as the camera allowed me) but i rarely used it.

In january of two years ago, once again, i asked my parents for a camera. This time I wanted a digital fake-SLR camera. I started taking photography more seriously, now my experiments were virtually unlimited and I could even try out some basic real-photography skills (meaning the manual setting of shutter speed and diafram and stuff like that). I got more and more involved, struggled to finish my high school decently since I didn't have any more interest in it, and often went downtown just for the sake of taking pictures. I even got an account on deviantART.

After nine months I finally got enrolled in the Milan Politechnic School to study architecture. I still considered architecture my first passion, but I've never totally abandoned photography. I started buying magazines about photography, though, and got seriously motivated to improve myself in this field.

I slowly developed some kind of fetish about photography materials such as flashes, studios, camera bodies and lenses. Unknowingly, my mind started running backwards, and slowly shifted from the love for the new and technologically advanced to the one for the vintage. I found myself lusting for a film SLR.

It was a mild afternoon in the spring of last year, when I finally decided to have a look in a trusted photo lab, who also selled some used photography material. And there it was. As I saw it I realized it had been my dream forever, the Canon EOS-5, first released in 1992, still perfectly working and doing a heck of a job.

I was starting to realize that maybe the photogrphy career would have been even more satisfacting then architecture.

Last week I went out with a friend, and we started talking about our respective studies. I couldn't help to add, at the end of one of my comments about architecture,

But my dream is to become a photographer

She reacted with an ecstatic expression and I had togo on and talk about it, about my choices, my skills, my thoughts on it. Among the other things I told her about my switch from digital to film and about composition (a concept that, in fact, occurs in archtecture just as often).

A few days ago I stumpled upon this and this.

Why did I write all this? Well, just to justify and clarify the background of my upcoming article about photography. So... keep in touch, it will be released in the next days!
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The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip.

You don’t have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through and you’ll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.


How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

thanks Jester for the above

oh and in case you feel awkwardly optimist, confident, motivated, etc. check this out. might help you ;)
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is she making fun of me?

Me :: 20:06:50
hej
Me :: 20:07:55
i saw u today in PG
facziamoczi :: 20:21:54 / S 20:21:43
cze4sc
facziamoczi :: 20:21:54 / S 20:21:51
and you didnt say hallo to me
Me :: 20:22:03
u ignored me
facziamoczi :: 20:22:14 / S 20:22:11
no
facziamoczi :: 20:22:18 / S 20:22:15
imposible
Me :: 20:23:04
yep
facziamoczi :: 20:23:24 / S 20:23:21
{banging head against wall}how could i
Me :: 20:23:51
{hug}
facziamoczi :: 20:24:38 / S 20:24:33
i m so stupid
facziamoczi :: 20:24:38 / S 20:24:33
{hammer on head}
facziamoczi :: 20:24:53 / S 20:24:50
never again
Me :: 20:25:19
oh come on!
Me :: 20:25:30
i still love you
facziamoczi :: 20:25:34 / S 20:25:31
{crying}forgive me
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you don't do it. you just don't. if i'm dancing with a girl you don't come and take her away the very second we have a break from dancing. YOU DON'T FUCKIN DO IT YOU ASSHOLE!!!

...especially if she clearly doesn't like you, loser!

and then ana started talking to me about the job she wants to have after she finishes her studies in the middle of the dancefloor, then she said that we should go out for a coffee because she wants to know me better, then she said that we should do it as soon as possible because in four months the erasmus year will be over, then i asked her when is she free in these days, and she replied i'm always free, whenever you want to go out, i'll be available.
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the ten commandments + anger managment + the rules experiment
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kay guys that's enough... might wanna stop it dontcha think?
every two blogs i surf throu BM there's a post about this BM-open-day-double-credit thing. do u have anything interesting to say? no? so shut up.

and delete those posts they just waste storage space on blogging servers AND annoy readers.

please join my quest by putting your name down here on the comments or tell a joke or whatever and tell all those people how they suck at fantasy and how their life is boring. if you are gonna write something like

u see u are also talking about the BM-open-day-double-credit thing

just don't do it because your comment will be instantly deleted and your blog as well and you'll get bad luck for the rest of your life. forward this to 27 other bloggers in the next few seconds or a car will smash on your computer. true.

this morning a girl that i hadn't ever seen before told me something. don't know what because she spoke in polish so i stared at her and she went

can we sit here?

because she and her collegue had taken my desk to work since i was wandering in the classroom and didn't have anything to do anyway, and i said

of course

and looked at her work and she said

there's a free chair anyway, you can sit here if you want

er... thanks for allowing me to sit at MY place, anyway i'll keep doing nothing around the classroom for the next hour or so

actually that was an invitation

oh... so you are asking me to sit with you

yes

maybe i'll ask her out next time
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no, not again!!
this is how i woke up this morning. given that i love snow, it's about freakin time spring comes over here! don't you think? eh??
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hehe i just got myself a report from silktide... check it out it's fun!
so it appears that among other things this blog is "ranked #19 in the world", does not meet the british legal requirements, it is "completely, or nearly completely devoid of text", it contains news, profanity and moderate profanity and it has a good variety of images.
i got an 8.1 for the desing and a 6.3 for the marketing. they also suggest to do something with my company brand, which would be according to them "so what?". ya the thing is that they can't find my buisness in google if they search for my company brand. how sad...
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shitfuck! can't take the construction course cause all the places are already taken... gotta find something with a similar name so my home university is happy.
and dominika didn't talk with me in the weekend on GG. why? i mean it's understood that she loves me and ok both her parents had some kind of party and she was supposed to help but fuck couldn't she drop me a word?? whatever this week i'll go to her place and asia her flatmate is really happy because she also likes me and because i will cook for them.
hehe maybe i'll get olivier to come with me.. he'll love it sooo much! emilka the third flatmate has been with him for a week or so but he's never really liked her... ya i'm totally getting him to come with me!

short post here, gotta go back to work. here meaning study. my presentation is going to be the best one for sure, i always come up with good ideas.
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that's the sketch i was talking about
|

so this is the sketch of the painting that that teacher liked so much. but when she said

it is classic but...

well i knew right in that moment that it wouldn't have been the final drawing because tell me whatever you want but never mention the word classic in front of me. never. and also never refer to the fact that i look young but this doesn't matter to the painting issue...

oh fuck it!!! blogger's uploading sytem is not working so maybe i'll post the scanned pic later if i'll feel like if not email me for a copy and be nice and make me believe that you are so interested and i'll mail it back to you.

i fuckin hated that sketch, btw, for the exact reason that it was just so ridiculously classic! ok let's say it's the starting point and i'll figure out something from that. at least it's a pretty darn good starting point...

among the other tings i'm not so sure if manda, lithaunian, was trying to kiss me last night or not. probably yes. whatever. geshen instead didn't even say hi to me, maybe because after letting her believe i was interested in her i danced with another girl. but what could i do? she was pretty and she was looking and smiling at me...

oh shut the fuck up!! it's all bullshit... it's the world that i've been avoiding for so many years and now that finally i decided to give it a try just because well i'm just understanding more and more that to avoid this social environment has been probably the best decision of my life. it's one whole big fuckin playing. forget about who you are, think only about who that girl glancing at you might like and act like it and fuck it...

and i want my flat
and it's not spring yet, the pond in front of the house is still completely frozen
and i won't see dominika at least for a week
and i'm so loving my studies
and my pictures as well

listening to: 60's and 70's that my roomate for god knows what reason this morning downloaded tons of

signed post

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so yesterday was the big day. i got married with a girl that i used to deeply love but now i simply like. even though she's great in bed. oh and my family really likes her so i was kinda compelled to marry her.
anyway i enter the city hall with my mother on the side and a few other relatives behind me and right there in front of me there is i girl. she looks familiar but i can't really tell when i saw her. she's staring at me with an expression that i can't decipher, and she slowly walk toward me.
- Hi. she says
- Hi. Do we know each other?
my mother looks at us and i can see that she's not confortable with me speaking with another girl. she doesn't answer my question, she just rolls up her left sleeve and shows me her bracelet. my name on it. and suddenly i remember everything...
the one and only love of my life, we promised the world to each other and i've always regretted not being able to keep my promises. growing up, for some reason, we parted from each other. not our feelings though, only our bodies. and there she is again, the day of my marriage.
my mother looks down to me: Who is she?!

i don't remember much of the rest of the ceremony, if not that i wanted to go out of that building as soon as possible.

among the other things that happened to me yesterday, alina offered me two pierogi and then she asked me to join her and her friends but i went to bed instead. oh and i put way too much salt in my pasta.
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ya well don't really know what to write in this post
so...
ahem...

ok mario is going back to germany to get his tooth fixed but i guess that doesn't matter to you at all. BUT IT SHOULD! because it matters to me because we were supposed to start our urbanistic project next monday but he'll be back only on friday if not later.

oh, if you still use skype, burn it. then switch to SIP clients like wengo or gizmo

if you want to know why have a look at what those cowards did or send me email.

and with skype burn intel as well and get an amd
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back home. already. i've spent a couple of hours with dominika, a nice talk in front of a nice drink in a nice place. we talked mostly about stupid things but i couldn't take my eyes off hers (or off of hers?) (ok, away from hers.) and the more i look at her eyes the more i love her. and when she smiles... every single time she smiles she is so beautiful and her eyes fill with a light i've never seen before... my heart is opening up to her...

unfortunately she is so busy with her studies and we won't be able to see very often... :'(

i don't feel like going to party get drunk and waste money, i feel i made my night and i'm sad/depressed cause she had to leave so soon so i'll watch a movie. and don't worry i still remember that i have to talk about photography and blogging. so for your joy and my memory i'll add a section to the side bar.

uh, ya... like... i could use the time i need to add the section to actually write something interesting about those subjects but... what the heck that requires thinking come on don't kid me!

listening to: Death Cab For Cutie - You Can Play These Songs With Chords*
*that's the name of the album
|

looks like i have painting talent. at least that's what my painting teacher told me. all i did was simply painting the boxes in a reddish tone intead of bluish like everybody else and the clothes in green. she asked me if it was because i felt those colors or if it was just because. well i felt those colors of course. ya right... she was amazed of my color choice.

and she liked also the composition while all i did was putting on paper what i saw in front of my eyes. but i don't like that sketch so i'll do some more. it was really just the first sketch i did and it was just a kind of warming up sketch which i wanted to keep for myself and not even show to the teacher but she came from behind and took the paper and was quite happy with it. way to go boy!

out seeing a flat now, then quick dinner, then night with dominika
|

HAHAHAHA

do you need god??

ya right...
|

so tonight i should be able to see dominika again

last night andreia cooked some bacalhao or however it's written and we drank some 4 different kind of wine. mine was good and italian of course, then there was a spanish quite good, a spanish real shit it tasted like wood and the Porto. the porto is more a liquor then a wine actually and i hate the smell and the taste and the consistency but andreia was so proud of it that i drank it anyway. fuck me.
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wowowowowoww...
this new design studio is terrific! the teacher has exactly the same view of architecture as me and has in mind some quite interesting ideas. something good will come out of this. plus, she translates everything to english for me and follows me and makes sure i don't miss anything of the lesson/presentation/interview... i like her.
the negative note is that since next week i'm gonna have to stay in university until 8pm. yes, pm. shitfuck! they are crazy down here... but at least it will be only for a month and a half or so then the lessons will be over for the whole semester...

this post sounded way better in my mind

and dominika wrote me

How about meeting tomorrow?:)im not planning any illness;)... i could get to manhattan by bus and will be about 20.15 there...waiting for your answer

so basically i got her. i love her.

i called 6 flats this morning. 5 were already gone, and the last one wants me to visit the flat on sunday at 8am. yup, am. the owner scares me a little....

oh and the bad news is that i've been spending too much money here... like 1000 euros too many... holy shit that's a lot... i got less then three months to get them back so i'll stop taking the taxi to go to clubs and a few other things...god..

picture by awfulsara
|

in fact i think gesa loves me. somehow. but in this period of my life i'm not seeking a steady relationship + i already have a kind-of-steady relationship with dominika. who yesterday didn't show up at irish pub.

i'm still drunk from yesterday and have a bad hangover and in half an hour i start the lessons. and i feel great. seriously! dunno why but it just feels good.

i should blog about photography. last night just before dinner i found a great article on the internet but i don't wanna say nothing now. maybe this evening...
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gesa is not in her room. olivier told me to get a real date with her, like only me and her at the dinner, but i don't want to eat alone with her. i was thinking more of a dinner between rooms - me, olivier, gesa and her roommate. don't want a date tonight also because it's quite possible that dominika will show up at the party and if gesa will also come it's gonna be problematic somehow. well, i'd have to run away. but more probably i won't see any of the two because they both have lessons tomorrow. ya i like saying i like risk but if it involves girl i'm still a shy little kid. so innocent and pure. yes. uh...
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hahahahaha
he's so ridiculous
hahahahahhaha!!!!

ya, well, i'm just coming home from a massive gimn session and i can hardly type on the keyboard so have a good day folks and keep smiling
|

the colors for this season will be green and pink. this means my clothes will have to be green and pink. i feel green and pink, basically just because i profoundly hate green and pink.
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given that everybody lies, why is lying still such a big issue? i mean so many people still give a moral value to it, even if they admit they lie as well. but then you'd think they admit it, again, for moral reason. you know to look like liars but in the end not such bad liars...

intensify says

I have no idea why I do this. I’m not a liar (though of course, both liars and non-liars say that, and are in keeping with their character), but I tell lies to hide the truth, to make things interesting, or just to fill the time.

now this is what i call a non-liar. not because she doesn't lies, but because she sees it as a normal part of life. just like, say, i like chocolate cakes. but this is bringing the issue to a superior level, i.e. the problem of morality in modern society which has been in my opinion widely and wisely discussed some decades ago by nietzsche and is still valid for the most part.



of course there are many people that tell lies only to get advantage of others, and this makes a bastard of them.
so basically is not telling lie that is bad, but the reason why u do it. for instance i often lie because people don't understand me when i tell the truth. but that's not my fault. i also lie just because but that's so close to irony that can't really be called a lie and anyway it doesn't harm anyone. and i also lie to hide truths that would make other people suffer. and this is the worst lying thing i think and i want to change that in my life. this is like my personal goal to become a better person, be brave enough to tell a friend, look, u suck. i also lie because i don't want people to think i'm a bad person. this happens because their moral values are way different from mines but i still need for some reason to keep in a good relation. if they have fucked up moral values it's not my fault though.

most of us, uhm, ok, all of us lie mostly because we don't want to reveal all of ourselves to others. like i'd never tell my parents i dance with 5 different girls at night hoping that my girlfriend doesn't find out or tell my grandma that i'm with that girl not because i love her but because i have good sex with her. which by the way would also be a lie because i don't have sex with her because i can't find a friggin flat!!!
uhm... but this is more like not telling the whole truth.



tinto brass once replied, when asked for advice for a "perfect relationship"

never tell a lie, but never ask for the whole truth either

and he is so right. so totally right.

and i believe there is a big difference between lying and not telling the whole truth, in the way you do it, but in the end it's just the same. say i tell my dad i'm going shopping but in fact i'm going on drugs with my friend, that's a lie. but if a tell my dad i'm going out instead? does it make any difference? i'm not so sure. it's more a formal difference, then a difference in substance i think... or not? well in the end i don't think that lying is bad at all except for a few cases when it's really fucked up so not telling the whole truth also is not bad.

and i did try to be completely sincere once, with one of my girlfriends. i did, she did. if i went with another girl i'd tell her and if she asked me for details i'd tell her as well and she did the same with me. that kept jealousy totally out of the relationship, but to know everything, absolutely everything about the other is cool at first, but got boring after a while. i want my girlfriend to hide things from me. it's more interesting i think.
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my clothes don't fit my personality any more. but i don't have money to buy new ones. i've never considered clothes as important in my life, but that was mainly because i didn't have a personality. not that i was schizophrenic, it's just that i didn't feel like belonging to any group and wasn't even quite sure of what to do with myself. or simply i was too cool and the companies couldn't make clothes that fitted my extreme coolness.
but now i'm even more cool. so cool that i can make up a fake personality that other people will be able to understand more properly since it will be at their level, and to help them i need new clothes.
fuck i need a job.
and a flat.
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just watch it.
i mean it, WHATCH IT!

thanks Dandyna for finding it ;)
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that's me this morning, the glasses meaning _hangover_

yesterday i gave the finger to a girl. she totally deserved it even though it wasn't the best thing to do.
the whole thing is that i approached her and her two friends with morten and as soon as i told her my name she started bitching about my age like -what are u from high school? how old are u 18??- and if she does it once i don't give a shit but if she keeps it up for like half an hour acting like she's better then me just because she's older that pisses me off. so i asked her for her age and she told me she was 25 and even wanted to show me her ID to prove it like it's such an important thing the day you were born and just kept acting like u know the classic cheerleader bitch that thinks she's hot and cool and better then anybody else
yeah it wasn't the best thing to do to give her the finger. it would've been a lot cooler to like look at her straight in her eyes with a face with no expression in such a composed and confident way and tell her off by saying shit like -listen, baby, your ID may even say you are 28 but u look like 23 and act like 16 and if my age is such an issue for u then u can walk right off my vision- and turn around and walk away and start dancing very close to any other girl...
well it ended up that she and her other two friends danced alone all night.
and then i was totally confused in one moment. i was dancing with 4 girls, marie from france, geshen from germany, iza and another one (but i don't remember the name of this last one) both from poland, all of whom liked me somehow and all of whom i liked and i didn't know what to do so first i looked for olivier if he could take away any two girls from me but i couldn't see him anywere so i run away.
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how much are u willing to give of yourself for a home? how far can u get?
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i don't feel like going to the beach anymore
it's 9 o'clock and i'm going to bed
don't feel that good anymore
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yesterday was a good night + about blogging + photography
yes, finally. so i was going to the kitchen to check my chicken with wine and salted rice, which in fact turned out pretty good, and i saw alina in the hallway closing the door to her room and i said hi to her. seconds later she is in the kitchen looks me in the eyes and goes come with us! well i don't take orders from nobody but i really like that girl and actually i think i love her so i put my conditions, i.e. i wanted to go to melmach and she accepted because she wanted to go out with me and because also all her other friends wanted to go there. it was empty, i got a beer and then we played a game to socketball and of course we won, like the old times...
but then we were getting bored and she asked me if she should go home sleep or rather go to mechanik and i told her go to sleep, and i'll reach my other friends at the city of angels and have "fun" (right, fun... get drunk go after girls laugh at stupid things go home so late wake up with a hangover and waste the whole day). so there we are standing one in front of the other out in the cold and i so want to kiss her but i don't because i was going to the club and she was going to sleep but i could see in her eyes she didn't really want to part from me. so she broke and she asked me to have a glass of wine in her room, which i accepted because i didn't want to go to the city of angels at all. we talked and listened to good music. she had good comments for every song but i'm pretty sure she didn't notice i was choosing them instead of the shuffle system. half an hour later she was sleeping cause she had started drinking wodka in the afternoon and at midnight fourty i was in my bed and just felt good. a couple of hours spent with an interesting person are far better then any fucking stupid big crazy party.
maybe later i'll go to the beach with her but i really doubt she will come, even if she told me she would like to join me.

i'm realizing this is going to be a long post so i'll talk about blogging later in the afternoon.

there is this stupid erasmus photo competition called discover europe where we con send up to three pictures 15x21 about poland in my case. i made my choice even if it was hard and yesterday i went to a photo lab to get the prints done from the negatives. half an hour later i'm looking at the prints to see if everything is ok and one of them has white signes all over. so i ask them to print it one more time and clean the machine and they do it and all the white spots disappear. but the white lines stay. so fuck i go home not so satisfied i must say and look closely at the negative and it's fuckin scratched! argh! and it was one of the best shots i've ever made!! i think i could get 200 dollars if i sold it in canada, but i can't because it's scratched... well what i can do is scan it a try to repair it in the computer, which i will probably do in the future if this shot proves to be actually good.

it's 7.30 of saturday morning and i feel good.
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awsome!
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i think i'll never get my fuckin' flat. ok but it's just not fair! why did the french girls found one 10 days after they arrived? and why oh why did the german girl found one 2 and i'm sayin TWO days after she got here?? and it's 2 months i'm looking... AHH!

and last night dominika told me she couldn't come to our date cause she was sick. ok say I i'll go out with some other girls -i didn't say it to her of course- so with two friends we get to this culb, called koliba, and they must have lost their mind cause you must leave your coat in a little wooden house then cross a courtyard and enter the main building. and god it was -6 last night! well anyway we get inside and the girls we had to meet weren't really nice but there was plenty in that place anyway. but no, there she comes, domi's flatmate, and she followed me everywhere like she was my mother and had to keep an eye on me. well it ended up that we left that place at midnight and headed to another club with an average 19-yr-old and got drunk and played with any girl that came next to us. today at 7 my roomate shot a picture of me and him just awaken, me because of him going to work. totally drunk. he'll get fired. i'll post that picture maybe.

oh and yesterday i got i think the fifth beer offered by marco. he's crazy. and with this i mean he is great, but also subtle. i never get to offer him a beer because he is costantly drinking or i'm elsewhere but from time to time i'm dancing and he just shows up with two beers, and hands one to me. i've never seen anybody drink like him, yesterday it was at his 9th beer, which is 4.5 litres, and still not that drunk.

well in the end last night has been one of the worse of my life. i just don't enjoy that kind of fun anymore, am i getting old? or maybe it's simply not fun... dunno. i want to go to the sea this weekend, i've never been there before. and then maybe get in a warm room with some music and wine. hmmmmm... wine... ya if it wasn't that here u get only shitty wine for high prices.
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sometimes it's just like this and u feel wrath is coming over to you, you built something step after step and you can almost touch the other side and suddenly a piece right in the middle falls down. other times you never get more then a couple of pieces together but u believe in it and again at a moment those pieces disappear.

you think i shouldn't have turned my back to this whole thing. but no that's just mental masturbation, the truth is that you turned your back after, looking the other direction to catch something as valuable and worth, waiting for the time to pass and for what you had lost to get back to you, naturally...

of course, there it is... don't worry, cause when you worry u make it double... going to another place, seeing another person, finding another sleeping solution... keeping smiling...
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WTF??
ok its now proven they hate us poor students...
a little history for u guys: in february right in the exam weeks they started setting up a communication system throughout the student house. this meaning drilling monday to saturday 9am to 17pm in the hallways bathrooms and rooms, dust everywhere (and i mean really every-fuckin-where) and a constant headhache.
so what now? well i woke up at 10 by stupid music coming from somewhere from the hallway which stop about half an hor later, in the exact moment when i gave up with my foolish attempt to sleep. now i was listening to music and suddenly the speaker in my room started speaking, or making strange noises. surely you wouldn't call this music if only u could hear. it's a stupid polish radio.

AAHHRHGRGRGRGR!!!
IM FUCKIN CUTTING THE CABLES! RIGHT NOW!!
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i didn't think i could still do 16-year-old things. let alone enjoy them. wow.
well u know those colored carnival spray? the ones u used to cover your friends and yourself with and laugh histerically and then after the afternoon so passed feel realized like having accomplished your mission on earth? ya i did it last night, and it wasn't even carnival. the thing is that last night karaoke was getting worse and worse and we couldn't even hear ourselves anymore so bad we are at that, so andreia from the back row just got one of those things and in no time the whole room was yellow. haha. funny! no?
well whatever tonight im goin out with dominika but fuck both of us live in double rooms. where's my new flaaaat????
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Me
maybe you would like some limoncello later ;)
Alina
what >::>
Me
sorry they took it away from me...
Me
but we'll make some more in the next weeks
Alina
but what is ir ?
Alina
*it
Me
good stuff;)
Me
italian of course
Alina
hehe ;d
Me
as u can imagine is based on lemons
Alina
but it's alkohol i hope ;d :)
Me
haha
Me
occevicce
Me
good tasting
Alina
:)
Me
no side effects like headaches or whatsoever
Me
good energy before partying
Alina
hmmm sounds veryyy interesting ;]
Me
;)
Me
mmm i could do a limoncello party next week...
Alina
hmmm you could :)
Me
i could or i should?
Alina
could
Alina
i can't tell you what you should do :)
Me
why?
Alina
Manueleeee
Alina
i'm just messing with you
Alina
;p
Me
ja tez
Alina
so you didn''t change :) we weren't talking so long so I forgot how is it :)
Me
and it's great talking to me isn't it?
Me
:P
Alina
yeah as always :P
Me
actually i'd say stimulating
Me
;)
Alina
hehehehe
Me
girl it's SPRING!!!!!!
Me
well not realy but i feel like
Alina
yeah i KNOW !! youm can read it in my status ;p
Me
ya if i knew polish...
Alina
and i have to sy that i feel it also, at last
Me
:)
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e come sempre sei la descrizione di un attimo per me
e come sempre sei un'emozione fortissima

the sweetest words. and how do you tell a girl "and you are the portraying of a moment, and as always the strongest emotion"?
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k here i am
i'm not telling u why i'm starting bloggin because it's stupid and i didn't start now anyway, but i'm hating my friends...
i'm goin for quality posting with a good percentage of trash. it would be so boring otherwise...

ya don't really know what to say right now, so later
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